It's About Love

We just had Stake Conference, and it was absolutely wonderful. I had so many thoughts – I’ve had to outline them like a proper essay…what an idea. :) Anyway – They can basically be split into 3 areas 1) Master the Tempest is Raging, 2) Love, that’s what it’s all about, 3) Deliberately trusting and having faith in God.

What are my priorities when I have questions? What matters most to me? I’m not sure, to be honest. Often I feel like I get distracted or lost in all the things around me. We sang the hymn, “Master, the Tempest is Raging”, which is a hymn I love. It describes my life and fears so well, and every time, Christ comes to my aid and answers my questions.

An issue that’s been on my mind as an observer comes around every five to six months, about the role of women. This is a subject I would love to talk more about, but feel that it is best if I just summarize. See, I don’t personally worry about it but it is one I wish I could explain well to others. As of yet, my words need more prayer and thought before I share more. Because of this conference, I am reminded that when I put first things first, everything else falls into place. We were beautifully taught about the creation and the ‘sacred silence of women.’

I came away thinking that when things come up that I don’t understand, or that I question, or that I am offended at, I can let things settle down and I can be at peace – when I put God first. See, I have this tendency of over-analysis. I’m sure that comes as a surprise to those who know me, but I often get lost in the thick of thin things, getting so fixated on one little thing, I forget to ‘zoom out’ and put things back into perspective. There is truth everywhere, and when I look to the source, I can find that peace and inner strength to move forward. It may sound so simplistic, and I know when I have trouble, that’s the last thing I want to hear, but that is the truth. When I can let my heart settle a bit, I do feel better. So – what matters most, to me, is what sticks around after I can settle my heart down. Naturally, there are times when that takes longer than others, but I’m getting better, I think.

Also, I had a cool experience – we discussed the temple a lot at this conference, and I felt impressed to help teach my little brother to learn about family history. He loves computers and I feel he could greatly help here. So, I have begun talking to him about it and hope he can continue. Another thought we discussed was that in temples, the gap between knowing and becoming (testimony and conversion), is lessened – we mold our souls and see a new view of ourselves in the temple, and that is just a beautiful truth.

Love – that’s what it’s all about. This is where I have the most thoughts… so I will try to sum up.

• Everything works to teach us to love God – every commandment, every lesson; it all is to teach us to love. Everything else ensues from that love, we see each other more perfectly, and can move forward – yet we often lose perspective and forget why we do anything, but if we remember to love, to see others as we really are, everything starts to make sense.
• Love naturally invites us to listen to each other’s perspective and unite together and move forward – which is beautiful. I love the idea that the world will be when we learn how to do that.
• President Nelson asked a wonderful question that we can think about as we live our lives: “Did I at least understand the first commandment to love God?” and I would add, “Can I understand that commandment without understanding the others?” To me, it is cyclical, but love definitely comes from God and is what makes everything work out.
• “Often we live side by side, and don’t see heart to heart” what a sad, but true thought. When we really see those around us, we find our place and know how to really help. So, I hope I can learn to pause and look at those around me. I never feel confident in my ability to help those around me, but I believe that though my efforts may be small, I can learn and improve.  
• “I want to be saved, if my friends will help me” We really need each other. I feel like we each hold pieces of the puzzle, and can’t succeed without each other. Teamwork is a beautiful and probably eternal principle. :)
• Elder Holland kept talking about “It’s about the people” – which I absolutely love. Apparently, his records are in the Midway 3^rd Ward, so he was at our Stake Conference as a member, not assigned to preside. So, I am so grateful he spoke to us. There is so much beauty and wonder in each child of God. And I am grateful that he (and the other speakers) were able to help me see that a little clearer. 
• As we simply go about, trying to bless another’s life, we develop the divine purpose and attribute of love. This will be a new goal of mine – to reshape my life so that I can go about doing good, too.
• We are what matters. The worth of souls is truly great, and I forget that too often. I hope to remember the divine worth and nobility of those around me.
• I have been asked to stand as a witness – in loyalty to truth, to my beliefs, to God, to others. There is a price to pay, to bring souls to Christ, the price is inviting others. And it scares me to open my mouth. Yet, sacrifice is needed. Just like obedience in some areas comes easy to me and hard to others, speaking up for my beliefs is hard for me as I tend to want to please people without considering what I am really doing. If I don’t allow others to listen to me, not just what they want to hear, they will never have the complete picture. And, neither will I. It all comes down to love. If I truly love them, I won’t just try to please them, but I will help them when I can see my place and I can share the truths that I have. “Mean mothers defend the standards of the ‘For Strength of Youth’” and I often neglect this truth out of fear of hurting another’s feelings, or making myself vulnerable. I am not good at explaining myself succinctly, and it frightens me that I would not be able to say truth, and be understood, that I avoid it; I agree and deflect the attention. I need to learn to lovingly say what is truth and be loyal to it, and to my God first.

My last section is on deliberate and determined service – living on purpose means we can and need to trust in the Lord. So, it begs the question, whose voice do I listen to? Who do I turn to for comfort, for direction? Obviously, all these thoughts flow together which, I truly love. What are my goals? And am I deliberately choosing to move toward them? I tend to go in the general direction, yet, I feel so inspired to be more deliberate.

Our goals give us direction and help unite and connect to those around us. If our goal is love, imagine what beautiful things await us. Unity – stand first with God. Then, as we love each other, we listen to all our different perspectives, and move forward in faith. Find your refuge in the gospel. Faith is a deliberate action to move forward in hope. Progression is a miracle, and each step forward is a gift. I have so many shortcomings, so much I don’t yet understand, yet – I have come a long way, and know that metaphorically, “once I was blind, but now I can see.”

One day at a time, I can love a little better. I can realign my priorities and trust in God. Then, I can confidently and deliberately move forward, and bring others with me, just as others bring me along. Life is a beautiful thing, and it is because we matter. We really are what matters.

Teaching Beauty

The other day, I was asked what I would say/do to help a father teach his 12 year old daughter about beauty. It was a specific email and request, but below is what I replied (slightly modified for this audience). He had asked me to avoid, or at least not base my response on the teachings of the gospel. This was a hard challenge for me, because that is where I truly feel the complete answer is. However, there is a lot of truth and so, here is what I replied (after a lot of prayer and pondering):

We live in a world of extremes. I would start by saying teach her how to balance the extremes and the messages she will and has heard. From my experience, teenage girls (and women, and probably men...) want acceptance, they want to belong, and feel like they matter (that they make a difference, to someone, somewhere). Throughout history, and biology, a woman's physical appearance is significant, and it’s only been intensified with the media. So, I have three points that all mesh together. First: Identity, Second: Goals, and Third: Your Part. Help her uncover what really matters, what beauty really means, and how to balance all the messages she will hear and think about throughout her life.

Identity:

According to many psychological theorists, adolescents specifically are facing the identity crisis. For women, this strongly relates with their beauty (though of course men face similar challenges, but we’re ignoring them for now). So, I would recommend helping her figure out who she is. This will help her realize her worth and potential, helping her become a part of something – which, to me, seems like a common struggle. Help her find out what she likes and doesn't like, what she's good at, help her learn to balance herself - academics, art, beauty, physical ability, emotions, etc. Knowing who I am helps me weigh all the messages I hear, and figure out what I really believe.

Goals:

A popular attempt to counteract the mainstream media / image, is to show what “real” women look like by saying "let go, just be yourself" which worries me because it is very close to "give up, why try". This is fine, and a lot better than just feel worthless for not looking like that airbrushed model... HOWEVER, we are born with the desire to make ourselves better, to keep improving, to work, to move forward, to be 'unstuck'. Therefore, if we subscribe fully to this idea that it is ok to be lazy, it is ok to have big hips, acne, etc. because "that's just who I am", we more easily give up, we stop moving forward, and then, we don’t really believe it, making us feel so much worse than before. It is therefore very important to have goals, to have a purpose, to work towards something (a realistic and healthy something). While we’re talking beauty, I would suggest some physical activity, or something like that – whether that’s walking for 10 minutes a day, or joining a local soccer club or something, I do believe the research that physical activity helps self-esteem, and for me, a significant portion comes from goals. People need to work towards something.

Your Part:

A popular argument against, for example, teaching your child about your religion is that you’re forcing it on them and they have no choice. They argue that they want their children to decide for themselves. This is fine – except, that they are still going to be influenced by others, the media, schools, friends, etc. So, the response is that if you don’t teach religion, who will? In the same way, if you don’t teach your daughter about beauty and worth, and how to take care of her body, she will learn it from others. And the media is quite persuasive. And often wrong, and unhealthy to follow blindly.

There is more than just a pretty face to being and feeling beautiful – life is a difficult balance, and I wouldn't want her to give up trying and just wallow. I would say your role as her father, is to show her another option – to show her how to balance the good and bad that the media offers, to teach her how to take care of her body so she is the best she can be.

Anyway, that is what I said. What do you say? What other factors are there to beauty?

A Father's Blessing

The last two days, I have been very sick. It has been the most intense, or severe, sickness I have had in my memory (though that is not saying too much in comparison). I started feeling so awful I started praying that my dad would come closer to me so I could ask him to give me a blessing, since I couldn't go to him.

Then, the doubts and fears about the realities of what a priesthood blessing really is, starting infiltrating my over-analytical mind. I considered the placebo effect, because it really is an interesting and powerful phenomenon. I started to really question what I was asking my father to do, my worthiness, my level of faith, and of course, the reality of what power my father holds.

Before he could give me the blessing, my wonderful father took time to prepare himself - and I was able to take the time to prepare my own mind. I thought of Elder Holland's talk, about holding onto faith first - from Mark chapter 9. Right before my dad came in, I was able to make the decision to have faith in my father, in my Heavenly Father, and the healing power. I remembered that I had seen miracles in my life and that surely God could heal me, or at least bring me enough peace so I could get some sleep.

I often feel like "why should I be given help?" or "why should I get what I want?", just a I haven't done anything to 'deserve' it. Which, if you think about it, is true. However, what I felt in that moment was that even though I didn't deserve it, I knew God had helped me before and would help me if I asked in faith. So, before the blessing, and after remembering I could find help, I promised to have faith even if I did not feel any physical healing, if only I could feel some peace.

All I can really say is that immediately after the blessing, not only did I feel better in my mind, but I started feeling the sickness leave my body, too. I wanted to share this experience on my blog so that I would not forget this experience, that God answers prayers, and honors those who hold His priesthood and who ask in faith putting His will first.

I learned that though it is always God's will first - sometimes, our desires fit in, or at least aren't against His will, and sometimes we can have joy, we can get help, and we can be healed from our hurts, no matter how childlike or insignificant as we often feel.