I recently read a blog post trying to explain why women should be modest, please thoughtfully consider, even if you don’t agree, what I have to say. The writer was inspired to write this post because one day in a choir class, the teacher excused the men and talked to the women about modesty. One of the men in the class had asked the teacher to talk to the girls about being more modest. The reason a woman should be modest, that the teacher gave, was basically that men cannot control their thoughts and so it is a woman’s duty to be modest to save the men.
I agree with the writer that that is
not the most important reason. We ought to respect ourselves enough to dress
modestly. I think, however, that this includes respecting men {and women} too.
I think it is sad, the hate and anger the writer allowed into her heart, and
her response helped inspire this blog. It is so important to remember why we
are modest, and so much more.
The man who complained to the choir
teacher about the standards of modesty should not be ridiculed because he asks
people to be more modest. I would hope that he was asking for help. If I ask for some
help, I would hope that people would listen.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think that
just because the writer's choir teacher did not necessarily have a good
argument {I wasn’t there, just read on the post} does not make the issue a wrong or misguided one.
Modesty is sacred. It doesn’t end when
you become an “adult,” or married, or anything else. Modesty is an eternal
principle. It is more than just what we wear, it includes how we act, if we are
humble enough to accept change, or if we will be too proud to listen and give
people help and encouragement when they need it.
The author of the blog continued,
discussing that within many nudist beaches the human body is not as much of a
sex object and that justifies the lack of clothing and immodesty. However,
where this may not be her main point, we are not just modest to avoid sexual
thoughts or because we live in a “sex crazed society”. As well, having nudist
colonies, as the blog writer implies, would not solve the problem of a sex
driven society, it would just remove the mystery.
The author of the blog understands that
respect is at the bottom of our actions. However, in a way, I feel she did an
injustice to the male population. I’m not trying to speak for men, being a
female, but they may have a different perspective than I think she understands.
Like it or not, what you wear says a lot about you, and people think about you
and what you wear may inspire more thoughts that we would not wish.
If a picture is worth a thousand words,
what about a moving, 3D picture that is directly, or indirectly, interacting
with us? Neurologically men are much more motivated by visual images.
These images influence them even within that split second before they put it
out of their minds. This in no way makes the woman the evil temptress; however,
it should be a consideration. Yes, respect is the most central reason that I
can identify for being modest. Please respect yourself, and respect those who
will see and interact with you.
There are things that influence us.
They do not force us into our thoughts or our actions, unless we yield to them.
It is a wonderful thought that in this world we can be impervious to all the
evils out there. However, we should not be so idealistic that we do not
recognize the effect they really have. God's principles of modesty are eternal,
they are not context dependent, and they are not negotiable. Their application
may vary with the times and yet, that does not negate the deeper meaning of modesty.
Modesty is more than wearing the right
clothes. It is living correctly, in all aspects: in dress, in speech, in word,
it is loving those around us; not just respecting ourselves, but those around
us. Even the men who think differently and are so often the scapegoat of
today’s society {I do not mean to say that men are blameless, just that they
are often a target these days}.
It is so important to remember why we
are modest.
The man in the choir class was asking
for help, and the choir teacher did the best she knew how to help him. Modesty
is sacred. Let us remember to be modest, to be teachable, and to be
compassionate to the struggles of others.
I agree with you in everything that you just said. I think we should be modest, not just for ourselves, but for others. We also shouldn't be dressing provocatively because we expect men to control themselves. But if modesty is more than wearing the right clothes, then the men should have been present as well. This could have been an opportunity for both the men and women to learn about modesty. Instead, singling the women out like that indicates to me that women are the only immodest ones, and I doubt that. Your blog post was well done and insightful. The actions of that choir director though, I feel, were not as well thought out.
ReplyDeleteI agree Janet, it would have been a much better situation in that choir class. I'm glad that you liked the post :)
ReplyDeleteWhile you express some nice sentiments, I have to disagree on some levels here. I find it rather sad, actually, that even the word modesty has been co-opted in our culture to mean how much of a woman's body is covered, rather than simplicity of lifestyle and means.
ReplyDeleteI find it appalling the number of times I have heard people accuse woman of 'becoming pornography' to men. 'Modesty' should only be about the self-respect that a human has for their body, and as far as I can tell that is where such considerations should end. There will always be someone that is uncomfortable with how much clothing a woman is wearing - A class room of modestly dressed BYU students could be called prostitutes, or worse, raped because 'they were asking for it in the way they were dressed' in Saudi Arabia.
As innocuous as the intentions of the man in question may have seemed, in the end he feels that a woman's choice of dress and expression should be regulated by his cultural mores. It sounds very sweet that he wants help, but he really needs to learn how to approach society and sexuality like an adult.
Thank you Jared, that is a very valid point that I did not fully consider in this post. It is very true that it is not fair to ask that of the women, it is sexist and biased, yet it does not mean that modesty only involves my personal self-respect.
ReplyDeleteThe student was from BYU and had legitimate concerns about the Honor Code that everyone signs. The women should not have been singled out, the situation was not handled appropriately, but I will still maintain that my respect and modesty go beyond the selfish desires to only dress as I please.
Naturally, there will always be someone who is offended, and we cannot be responsible for that, but on a larger level, I also understand that if I go to Saudi Arabia I do need to dress appropriate to their culture. NOW, please, I do not mean that what you reference, as far as raping women because the way they dress was “asking for it” is any way acceptable on the part of the men either, but there are considerations that need to be made on both sides. Life is never limited to one perspective on any issue.
I was thinking about this topic today and wrote my own post on it. Some of the points are the same as or similar to what you said here, but I have some new thoughts, too. You can read it if you'd like.
ReplyDeletehttp://secret-places.blogspot.com/2012/07/obligatory-modesty-post.html