Agency

So, I have been thinking a lot about agency. It is probably one of my favorite topics, and yet it is still one I struggle to understand. Almost everything has changed in my life in the space of one month, and it is all out of my control at this point. And for a control freak like me, it has been really hard.

However, I know someone who loves us enough to let us truly make our own choices. He loves us enough to allow for His perfect plan of happiness to continue unaltered by our choices, because without our choice we could never end up as He is.

Some recent choices have truly hurt me in ways up until about a month ago I could not imagine. I naturally have a {useless} plan to make everything work the way I want it to. There’s an old Hebrew saying, that ‘if you ever want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans’. Well, I did and I don’t think He laughed, but He showed me quite clearly that He has very different plans, even different than what I had previously asked and felt about.

We must be strong. We must not fear. We must allow people to make their own choices, even when it hurts. We must let people not give us the job we feel we deserve, we must let people be inconsiderate of our feelings, we must let people choose for themselves. It hurts. It does not make sense. The hurt will cease, {though, unless things go according to my plans, I can’t see how J } and one day, it will make sense.

Trust that it will work out. Trust in Him, even when everyone around you lets you down, hurts you in ways you cannot imagine. I am still quite young and inexperienced, so I know there is a lot more physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual hurt that I truly cannot plan for {which scares me} but I also know that I am loved. I am not forgotten.

You are loved, and you are not forgotten. Do not lose faith in His timing, even if His will or others’ agency makes no sense to you. Keep the faith and Keep Moving Forward.