Funny and Assorted Favorite Quotes

I love quotes. These past few posts have all been straight from my Facebook page where I've been collecting them for awhile. Love them. Will keep adding to these posts as I find good ones. Sorry for the weird formatting. I'll work on it.

What's up I think is best described as the direction contrary to the pull of gravity
{Since then, I've heard it's much more complicated than that but takes awhile to explain all the meanings behind what "up" truly is)

"You have found me out! It's someone I met at the library today- I couldn't flee fast enough and he coaxed my number AND address from me the smooth talker." --anonymous

I have successfully (and by successfully I mean mostly, kind of) mastered the use of chopsticks

"I miss you like the Book of Mormon missed the Bible during the Great Apostasy."

"The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawn mower."
To me, cats are the crab grass in the Lawn of Life-- Snoopy

Whenever I start thinking that I am not living up to my potential, I remind myself of the old farmer and his fight to the death with the insane pig. It's an exciting story, and it takes my mind off all this "potential" business.--Jack Handey

I have the patience of a saint, but the temper of a goddess. So I guess that means I wait for the perfect moment to strike you down. Sarah Jensen

"she said she prayed about it."
"dude, those are the worst, cuz it's like, 'i think you're cool, but Jesus says you’re not.'"
"Jesus rejection sucks." --Overheard @ BYU

"Some chimney sweep in soot you are..." (think knight in shining armor)

"in life, doors close and doors open. Be brave enough to step through the open ones, and don't get stuck in the revolving ones."

"1001 Ways to Make You Smile" writes “you should always smile. If you can’t make the corners go up, let the middle sag.”

"Minds are like parachutes, just because you lost yours, doesn't mean you can borrow mine."


History of the world according to student bloopers

Other:

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. - Jef Mallett

What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail? - Gandhi

"I must learn to love the fool in me-the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled...tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human...humility, and dignity but for my fool." - Theodore I. Rubin

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." –E.E. Cummings

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open." --John Barrymore

"If you find yourself in hell right now, ask yourself honestly. Are you walking to the end or are you turning around, always trying to find a safer, less damaging route? If you are one of the ones walking, keep going. If you are among the latter, do something truly terrifying for yourself. Choose one road, any road, and start running. Run full speed and do not stop. Do not look back. Do not worry that you have made a wrong choice. The future will seem uncertain. It will seem unsafe. But you have to keep running. You must run until turning back is impossible. Only then will you see the beauty that sits on the horizon." Single Dad Laughing- http://www.danoah.com/2011/02/thousand-roads-through-hell.html