Insignificance

This post was almost lost by the wayside of blog ideas come and gone. It's a personal one - there sure are a lot of those but I figure, that's probably the point of this blog.



Let me start with a brief back story. Yesterday, I drove home from SLC. I drive a car with snow tires and AWD, not to mention the chains in my trunk that I've already used a number of times this year. So I didn't worry too much till I was driving through Parley's Canyon. It just so happens that there was a white out / blizzard through the canyon. I continued because it didn't look too perilous at the time, then - just around the curve was a gigantic mess of cars and diesel trucks making a confusing maze for me to navigate. Well, I kept going, nervous, and yet at peace. I did get a little shaken a couple of times on the adventure but all the while I felt taken care of. It wasn't until later that I identified the presence of guardian angels guiding me home. And then talking with my mom, I felt confirmation that my grandfather (died when I was 4) was with me during that time.

There is so much that I don't understand or see clearly. I often feel a little helpless when I try to see more clearly. I often feel insignificant and sometimes alone, lost in the infinite sea of important people and deadlines. I wonder what my 'legacy' will be - especially after learning of the great people in the world. My family is wonderful but we aren't well-known in the world, like some of my friends' families.

Yet, I rejoice in my Savior. I move forward anyway, even when I can't see the path, or know the direction to go, it is there, and I am not alone. I find reasons to be happy all around me. I can be at peace and find joy in serving and being around His other children, my friends, even if my role is "insignificant."

I don't understand all the details of the gospel, life, and everything, but I do understand the overarching - most basic - message - God's love for His children is real. I am His daughter, loved, remembered, and strengthened. And I can reach out and do good in the world, for my family and others.

God is faithful, my friend. Go forward in faith. Face tomorrow {and today} with hope and confidence in His eternal - and daily - plan for you and for all of us. Yes, I want to be significant. I want to be the one to make a difference, to matter, to be seen and remembered. My notion of significance is often warped and confusing. And I am so blessed and happy to be in a place where I can see God's hand in my life and in my family's, and I can make a difference and watch the significant change in my heart and those around me.

I almost just sent myself an email to publish this later because it isn't polished or well thought out. But it is real, I live in a paradox in my own mind, and yet I can feel God shaping me for greatness, and the details will sort themselves out as I at least desire and do all I can to move forward.

Side note, I've been reading a quote by President Uchtdorf lately that says God is more likely to help the person who's wagon is stuck in the mud if they are working to get it unstuck. And, I often feel like the person with a broken arm and lame foot, without the strength to push my wagon that is stuck in the mud. Yes, I have a slightly melodramatic imagination :) so this quote worries me. I feel like I can't do anything to change my situation except wait for help. It is a balance, to do all I can and yet trust Him completely. I don't know how that will work. Yet, I can do something even if it isn't the physical act of pushing my wagon (metaphorically...). My efforts may not be significant, but they are there. They do matter and they are seen and remembered. Let's go forward in faith, rejoicing ever more that God is faithful and He is in our lives. Let's remember to look for Him and trust in His plan for us.