A Paraphrased Psalm

In my institute course today, I felt I should apply the words of the Psalm in 2 Nephi chapter 4. This is an effort to help me reconnect with my Savior and kind of see where I measure up in my beliefs. This task was a little daunting, and it is by no means an attempt to be scripture, but to help me pray and see my efforts and weaknesses with a little more clarity.

And upon these I write the things of my soul.

2015 and Testimony goal

This year I had the goal to post my testimony once a month, but after school ended, I got distracted and randomly busy. And I neglected a lot of things.

Next month, I hope to do a full 2015 review as there is still a month left and I have a lot going on this month, but I wanted to say a little bit. My computer has broken so I'm typing this on my phone, which is mildly annoying. Anyway.

What I know and believe in is that when I pause and reflect, I feel peace because of the gospel, it gives me the foundation I need to live the rest of my life. Lately though, Satan has been very good at distracting me and making me forget that I know this - I don't know if that makes sense... Because I've not stopped believing or doing good things, but I have felt disconnected and in this time have had to determine what I believe. This has been a good exercise, and I hope my faith continues to grow, even though that means I will keep having questions and have to try to sort out so many things. But I think I will keep trying, and like the title of this blog, I will try to keep remembering what I feel and believe, and look forward in hope to my future.

Testify of Christ

To be honest to myself, the internet, and my faith - lately I have been contemplating and trying to better understand what it means to come to know Christ - and by association, what it means to know myself and others. And I have been struggling with it more than I'd like.

August Testimony

So I've seemed to slack off when it comes to writing in any type of journal - and feel I ought to get a bit better. This past month I've not been up to much except trying to sort out my dissertation. I did have a few adventures of course, but mostly I've been typing away.

July Testimony, Thoughts, and Autopilot

So for the last couple weeks it seems, and any moment I can pause for a second, I have been quickly overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. No need to panic, I shall be fine. But I've been incredibly panicked about my future and ... I'm not sure panic is the right word to describe my emotion. Intimidated and wilting, numbing out everything. I've been going around on what feels like autopilot, knowing a lot of the right answers and what I should be doing, and I am grateful that I have continued to do so despite the mental challenges lately. Anyway, I realized today that I have neglected to update my testimony blog. I guess I'm only a month and a half late... so would have posted two testimonies by now, but at least you get this one.

My life is a bit crazy at the moment. Today I was struck with the imagery that even though everything seems to feel unsure and so much is in the balance, there is one firm core of me that is in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't quite always feel in touch with it, but it is always there, and I am so grateful. I don't know if that makes sense.

Today at institute, a friend of mine came up to me and said he looks up to me spiritually (not literally, I'm quite short), and I was just kind of blown away because I don't feel spiritually strong right now. I don't feel like I can help anyone or even myself out of this little rut. And as I've been crying - or rather, tearing up (I don't really cry), on my way home from institute and pondering - a lot of pondering this week in general anyway - I realized that I hadn't shared my testimony in a while, and that typically is associated with my general feeling of "knowing" but not "feeling" or even necessarily "believing." I've gotten too inward focused, too distracted, and luckily because of the continuous blessings, I haven't strayed very far. And I am able to think more clearly about what I believe.

And I do feel like I have a strong core of faith. I definitely don't know everything, but, I do believe in my Saviour. I do believe that He is real, and I do believe that my choices matter. Lately, so many things haven't felt real. My life here in London, my future, even my family back home. So many things are a bit disconnected from me and yet, I don't feel like God is disconnected from me, or rather that I'm still disconnecting myself from God. And that is quite the improvement from what I was feeling a bit ago.

My testimony is the foundation to my identity, and sometimes I get distracted, I get lost and confused. Yet, because of the Atonement and the faithful teachings and love of God and His chosen leaders, I have been able to learn and apply some of His counsel and build up that faith in Him. I'm still working on it, and have a long way to go. But, I shall continue to do what I can. And that is my testimony for both June and July. ;)

May-be I'll Share

In this next instalment of Cristina's Testimony... I hate writing introductions.

Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting. As I've stated before, I am not usually comfortable sharing my testimony in our Sacrament Meeting services. However, today, I was prevailed upon to share my testimony in our Relief Society Meeting. Here's what happened. {ooh, intriguing!}

March and April

This is the fourth post in my little testimony goal for 2015.