Integrity's Borders

In the BYU community, an issue has come up, which resides in shades of gray, causing many to angrily take sides. For the sake of time, here is the specific issue, but in general, it has to do with someone calling someone else out on an Honor Code issue.


There are two key places where people disagree. First, about keeping the Honor Code, and second, should we call someone else out {and if so, how?}?


First, keeping the Honor Code. I think that if someone has signed something saying they will or will not do something, that should be that. They should not toe the line and they should not be surprised if people notice when they slip up. Now, please. This does not mean we judge or seek to hurt people, but let's be honest. People notice when others do not live up to the standards they proclaim. For instance, the Honor Code is quite clear on matters of facial hair, leggings and skirt length, curfew, and on other major issues, people in BYU notice, and people outside the school, LDS or not, definitely and acutely notice. 


"I have read and agree to the terms" we all read that, check the box, but rarely if ever, do we read the actual terms. However, if you violate the terms listed, even without reading, you are still responsible to that legal document because you said you did. Similarly, BYU has a list of terms and conditions to attend this school. Instead of just assuming we agree and understand the terms, BYU has gone a step further and has an Ecclesiastical Endorsement process where these terms are explained to you and you once again agree to them. 


So, live up to what you agree. Next. 


Should we call each other out? Does the man who gave the note in this have a problem? Is he a creep? I don't know, but I don't think it actually matters. Please see this post for my stance on modesty and respect, if you would like to understand more about that specifically.


Whose responsibility is it that you keep the Honor Code? It is on your honor, so it ultimately comes down to you. However, is it wrong for people to help remind you? Is it wrong for people to notice and talk to you about it? In this particular instance, I don't know that the man was in the right. I don't have all the answers. It only mildly surprises me that this got to be such a big issue. Mostly, it disappoints me.


See, as a people, we proclaim that we have the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which I can only assume means that we also claim to live it. We claim to love each other, to want to help each other. And then, something like this comes up, we blow it way out of proportion, we fight, we take offense, we stir the pot of guilt and anger, ultimately of hate.


I would hope people would individually keep their word of honor. I would hope that returned missionaries would live what they have taught, I would hope that people would love each other. So, it disappoints me when I see that they do not. It disappoints me when we forget. That's why this blog focuses so much on remembering. 


The two issues at hand are not eternally significant by themselves. Depending on where we go from here, however, can be eternally significant. I would urge you to remember to live what you believe, and to lovingly seek to help those around you too. Ultimately, we are trying to become like Christ, to strengthen the feeble knees and lift up the hands that hang down. We can't do that if we carry on bringing others down with us. I don't have a specific sheet to tell you when to talk to someone, but Heavenly Father is there and will help you as you seek to help yourself and others become a little better. 


No one is perfect, and I don't pretend to know the right answers all of the time. It is so much easier to say the right things than it is to live them. But, we must remember to keep trying. When someone gives me a note  saying I need to step up, I hope that after the initial shock, that I do. I hope that if I talk to my friends about standards issues that they listen to me. I hope that we can all remember to live with integrity. And, I hope that when we fall, we remember to get back up and to keep trying.