We live in a world of extremes. I would start by saying
teach her how to balance the extremes and the messages she will and has heard. From my experience, teenage girls
(and women, and probably men...) want acceptance, they want to belong, and feel like they matter
(that they make a difference, to someone, somewhere). Throughout history, and
biology, a woman's physical appearance is significant, and it’s only been
intensified with the media. So, I have three points that all mesh together.
First: Identity, Second: Goals, and Third: Your Part. Help her uncover what really matters, what beauty really means,
and how to balance all the messages she will hear and think about throughout
her life.
Identity:
According to many psychological theorists, adolescents
specifically are facing the identity crisis. For women, this strongly relates
with their beauty (though of course men face similar challenges, but we’re
ignoring them for now). So, I would recommend helping her figure out who she
is. This will help her realize her worth and potential, helping her become a
part of something – which, to me, seems like a common struggle. Help her find
out what she likes and doesn't like, what she's good at, help her learn to
balance herself - academics, art, beauty, physical ability, emotions, etc.
Knowing who I am helps me weigh all the messages I hear, and figure out what I
really believe.
Goals:
A popular attempt to counteract the mainstream media /
image, is to show what “real” women look like by saying "let go, just be
yourself" which worries me because it is very close to "give up, why try". This is
fine, and a lot better than just feel worthless for not looking like that
airbrushed model... HOWEVER, we are born with the desire to make ourselves
better, to keep improving, to work, to move forward, to be 'unstuck'.
Therefore, if we subscribe fully to this idea that it is ok to be lazy, it is
ok to have big hips, acne, etc. because "that's just who I am", we more easily give up, we stop moving forward, and then, we don’t really believe it, making us feel
so much worse than before. It is therefore very important to have goals, to
have a purpose, to work towards something (a realistic and healthy something). While we’re talking beauty, I would
suggest some physical activity, or something like that – whether that’s walking
for 10 minutes a day, or joining a local soccer club or something, I do believe
the research that physical activity helps self-esteem, and for me, a
significant portion comes from goals. People need to work towards something.
Your Part:
A popular argument against, for example, teaching your child
about your religion is that you’re forcing it on them and they have no choice.
They argue that they want their children to decide for themselves. This is fine
– except, that they are still going to be influenced by others, the media,
schools, friends, etc. So, the response is that if you don’t teach religion,
who will? In the same way, if you don’t teach your daughter about beauty and
worth, and how to take care of her body, she will learn it from others. And the
media is quite persuasive. And often wrong, and unhealthy to follow blindly.
There is more than just a pretty face to being and feeling beautiful – life is a difficult
balance, and I wouldn't want her to give up trying and just wallow. I would say your role as her father, is to show her another option –
to show her how to balance the good and bad that the media offers, to teach her
how to take care of her body so she is the best she can be.
Anyway, that is what I said. What do you say? What other factors are there to beauty?
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