Fear v. Trust

Why is it so easy to fear and so hard to trust?

I am finding that the root of all my troubles and worries is that I don't trust God. I find it so easy to remember to worry - that I don't have to consciously tell myself to worry. Ever.

However - if I ever want peace I must struggle to remember and hold on continually to that feeling of peace. It feels so fleeting.

When I am worried about eternal happiness, it's because I don't have trust in God.

I know there is no need to fear. I don't feel like my worrying ever, ever accomplishes anything. That's not why I stress about stuff. I think it comes down to I forget to trust / hope / remember who God is and that it's ok. So - how can I be better at remembering to trust?

Some of us jump ahead on the “trust continuum” to say - trusting in getting through the year - but struggle at making the next leap - say "trust my mortal life will work out and I'll be happy"

Some of us take forever to get on the trust wagon at all - questioning everything, forgetting to trust all together. We spend our time imagining every possibility whenever possible. It takes a great imagination to do that... right... cough...{awkward pause ... shamelessly illuminating how amazing I am at worrying... that's a great skill... "Way to worry"??? I don’t know what you would say to that besides I guess it’s a good thing I've recently come to terms with my awkwardness…Now I’m having conversations with myself. Great.}

Anyway.... At least in my own experience of being an excellent worrier, I know that once I trust something, I don't let go until absolutely proven beyond doubt that I shouldn't trust in it. I've seen others who will trust people / circumstances to a point but find a way to not trust them past that ‘point’. I can't do that... Sigh.

Well - at any rate, I am the last person to be offering advice on how to remember to trust.

**You should know before reading further, the rest is my sleepy attempt at trying to make sense of the above problem of how to remember to trust. And, if you’re not in a silly / borderline crazy mood, I advise you to probably stop reading…**

The only thing I can think of is just to remember quicker each time you find yourself fearing, doubting, or worrying. Maybe write it on your wall / mirror? I hear it takes 21 days to develop a habit - so maybe make yourself a calendar / checklist somehow to either pray about or read a talk on trusting and writing a note to self about how you can more fully trust in God and others? I am not sure. Really.

I really, really am good at worrying. Ask anyone who knows me. I don't even need a reason. I can worry about worrying. Or not worrying. Or not having a reason to worry. Or having too many reasons to remember them all and I'm sure if I forget one....something... will happen....Ooooh the dreaded something. Watch out. It'll get ya. Somehow.

It's like the awful word "should". I worry about obligations I make / decide myself, I worry about what I should be doing, who I should be, how I should be better, how I should be happy. It's a wonderful place to live, my head, I'd offer you in for a visit but I'd worry you'd never leave. Ha. I've lost my brain a little today, but it's ok. I'll worry about that tomorrow.

Maybe that's it - all I'll need to say is "I'll worry about that tomorrow" but now I'm worrying how I'll turn into Scarlet O'Hara - though I've only seen half the movie {the last half where everything goes wrong, and it ends miserably...sorry, tangent...} and how she always said something along those lines.

I'm even wondering about when I should post this - when will it get the most views? Does my blog get any views? Do my opinions matter? I also worry because I'm shamelessly admitting all my worries, I'm probably just going to edit this one as little as possible, making it confusing for anyone who does read it, and I'm even putting in jokes / thoughts only I will think are funny... except maybe my family... but I think they're funny, so I'm leaving them in there. Ha. And I'm sure that even if no one reads this, things will work out. And if people read this and realize that I'm a little bit more crazy than they realized - or that they long suspected and now have proof, I'm glad I could point it out now, and you can at least benefit in knowing you've surpassed at least one level in Crazy Town, you're almost out. That probably doesn't make sense to you because I'm not sure that it makes sense to me... think of it like progression and ignore that I called it Crazy Town. Just imagine you're in the first level of the game... "Mortality" {see what I did there?...so clever...good job...awkward stares...} and you have to progress through the game, different levels and challenges because unlike an ordinary game, this one is intense and you have to choose your own adventure - very customizable and no cheat codes are available... gasp! (yes, I do have 3 brothers who love to play video games).

Anyway, this long tangent that I'm also leaving in here because I'm mostly convinced this will be more like a journal entry and anyone still reading must be really bored - or a skipper who hasn't read the rest of my silly post – so they can benefit from my thought process - and that it doesn't really matter if I leave it or not. Look at me not worrying about editing - or being clever - or smart - or intellectual - or coherent....hmmm... a balance in all things I guess. That will be more editing and general organization in the next post. Hopefully.

Moving on to the conclusion of this long winded - though entertaining to write - post.

There is a lot I could worry about. I could worry on the global level, the country level, or a personal level, or any mixture in between. Sadly, I'm mostly selfish and figure I have too much to worry about, and the rest of you can sort out the issues... See… I trust you guys. It’s a step in the right direction. And for the record, I do pay attention... occasionally. I even watched portions of Sen. Paul's filibuster the other day. Just for educational fun. (Gasp!). And though I don't have a good answer yet, which may be why I'm delaying giving a conclusion... sorry folks, I'll get there... Figuring out how to remember who God is and that I really can trust Him because I know who He is - is going to be a life-long pursuit. 

I am hoping a couple brave souls will offer their wise perspective in the form of comments below. So for now, I'm sticking with my answer to just try to remember faster than you did the day / problem before.

To do your best, and remember it is ok to leave the rest - even when life doesn't go perfectly because your best wasn't perfect. I don't know how. And when I try to figure it out my brain fills up with worry. Maybe you need a good worry to motivate you, that's great. Just don't be like me and let it consume you. I'm getting better - for the record - and a good worry can be good. Just remember to trust too. I usually forget that part.

So. Good luck. Remember to remember Him - As Soon As Possible.