Asking

Asking for help is probably the one of the hardest things in the world for most people. It can be a pride thing.  

In general, I have only considered this angle of the post. I am sure it extends to other things, but I think pride hinders asking significantly. One that isn't going to change by merely writing about it on a blog post, or reading about it either.  I would love a discussion about anything else, but for a minute, consider this:

"Pull over and just ask for directions!"

It's not just guys that can't ask for help. Maybe in asking for driving directions :) , but we all have areas where we just want to figure it out on our own. And is that bad? It's probably not the worst thing in the world, in all instances. Yet, it definitely can be a huge problem.

Briefly, I want to share three experiences where the prime lesson I've needed to learn is how to ask for help.

Arm and Foot, two experiences, within 6 months, injuries. Ok. Because I am super verbose, I am combining two injuries into one. Plus, they both happened while walking, so obviously they fit together. About a year and a half-to-two years ago, I broke by arm and had to have surgery on my foot from getting a toothpick stuck in there (pride moment: I had a dance competition, still went, and was a semi-finalist in Gold Latin....no I didn't know it was in there at the time or I would have complained too much and sat out). Well, during this time, of almost 6 months of a major limb not being functional, I had to swallow my pride and ask for help quite a lot. 

And, like I've been noticing lately, it isn't just hard for me. I had a friend who just stopped me, as I was trying to carry 8 empty, odd shaped boxes to the dumpster, and said very plainly that it is ok to ask for help, and that I truly needed it. There was no shame in asking, it just is needed. You are not less awesome for having to ask for a little help.

Third story: Car. Miracles. I don't own a car, from the end of January-March I was a substitute teacher teaching all over Utah and Wasatch counties. Now, I just work in Orem, but still need a car (the bus route is not efficient and I just don't want to ride it, again, it's a pride thing...). There has not been one day where I did not find a ride. But, I almost always had to ask for it. It definitely got easier as I went along, and as I asked the same people, but I always had to swallow my pride and admit to not being able to do something for myself. Do you see the miracle? It's May now, so that is about 100 rides. I paid for gas of course, but still. People were amazing and surely received many blessings from Heaven, and it started with asking. 

Moral of this story: Just ask for help. 

It is incredibly easy and can be prideful to only want to be the one giving service. Yes, the Savior gave service, but He also took service. It's not mentioned as much, but it seems His friends helped take care of Him too. That scripture I linked describes how Christ did not have a home to lay down for the night, but He spent it somewhere and is often with friends.

Just ask. My friend has a big need but she told me straight up that she wasn't going to ask for help {I wasn't able to help her either so it was safe to tell me this}. I am not trying to condemn her for pride, but it is intriguing. We all have areas where we fall short. We all have weaknesses. Sometimes, we don't even know what they are. So, ask for help, ask for feedback, ask for comments, direction, etc. 

Sorry, but your perspective isn't perfect. Neither is mine, naturally, but we must all learn to take feedback so that we can continue improving. I sometimes feel weak or worthless if I have to ask for help, but this is not true. It is true that I cannot do everything right, it is true that I fall short, that I don't see everything clearly, and so I must ask. People don't want to always jump in and tell me where I am failing, they don't want to "be mean" or sometimes, they just can't see where they can help me. There are lots of reasons, but there is no harm in asking for help. Just ask.

One last thing I would like to mention: Prayer. ASK for it. Don't just tell God of your problems; literally phrase it as a humble plea for help. Ask for help in thinking of solutions, ask for solutions, and ask for strength. I don't know, but you do, and He does too. And, He probably is the safest one to start asking for help, we know He loves us unconditionally, and perfectly knows our situation, so, start asking Him, and then He can help give you strength to ask your peers too.

Elder Richard G. Scott said "One of the great lessons that each of us needs to learn is to ask." That is how we receive personal revelation, that is how we receive truth, guidance, faith, strength, peace, we must humbly ask.

I hope this wasn't too out of line, boring, too repetitive, etc. I just have been noticing it a lot lately. People don't ask. They don't want to bother others; they don't want to draw attention to their ignorance/faults/other reasons. I know it can be hard, but I also promise it is worth it.

So, when I posted this on my Facebook/Twitter pages, I just asked people to read it, instead of just posting the link and an attempt at being witty...and this post got many more views than I've been typically been getting. Asking works people. :)

How Do I React When...?

I know I always shock you with my amazing thoughts you've never thought before, so try not to be shocked by this revelation.

There are a few different types of people in this world. I am going to focus on a couple different ways people react to offense. There are those who take offense to everything and hold grudges, anger, and bitterness towards the other. There are those that quickly let go of anger, but quietly are hurt. There are those that have a way of truly forgiving and moving forward, letting go of both anger and hurt. I recently read in Helaman where the prophet Nephi gives a great revelation about a murder and who the murderer is. Many people disregard this, even when it was shown to be a true miracle; and there were those that believed him from the beginning, and there were those who believed after they saw. We each have reasons for reacting the way that we do.

And, we feel completely justified {at least in the moment} for reacting that way. If you couldn't guess, I am the second type of person. I let go of anger quickly, but I haven't quite figured out how to let the hurt go. I just tend to let it sit there, as long as it's not hurting anyone else, it's ok, right? No. Alas, I am not perfect. Another shock for you, I'm sure. Ha. Anyway. I just have a hard time with "how" to trust people again, how to let go, how to continue to have faith in humanity, and if I am not careful in the future, I won't know how to have faith in my God. Ok. This is coming across too extreme.

Let me give you an example, maybe it will come across how I want. I can say this because I know the person involved doesn't read my blog because she told me so, and we're still friends, so it's cool. Though, she should read this anyway, right? Haha.

Well, this friend and I have had our ups and downs, and like girls do, we talk about the downs, and go on with our friendship. Well, as she knows and you now know, I don't always let the hurt go from the times we've been "down" in our friendship. I just don't always know how. Now, at the risk of this sounding like an unwanted public apology, I would have you know that I am getting better. I think. Yet, I also know that the Lord is there to pick me up, when I recognize where I am, where I truly want to go, and that He is there. He is there for me and my friendships, helping me let go of any hurt, intentional or not, even when I don't know how to let go.

We need to remember how we react to things. We need to know areas that cause us stress, and we need to prayerfully find ways to improve. If we don't know what we're doing wrong, we're going to keep doing it. In addition, "If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing." --W. Edwards Deming (for those of you who want to know who he is).

So, identify areas where you are not strong, for we know that we are shown these {if we're paying attention} that the Lord will help make them strengths. Therefore, we can assume, by the end of my life's journey, if not before {hopefully I'm not that slow of a learner}, I will be the third type who miraculously lets it go and forgives. 

We each react differently to stress, to trials, to blessings, to joy, to sunrises, to thunderstorms, and one necessary way of progressing is to identify where we can improve.

Please don't go out and make a list for yourself {or anyone else} this begins to feel hopeless. I know from experience. Just prayerfully consider one area, like I've done in this post, and ask God for help in making it a strength. Read this scripture and even glory in your areas of weakness to truly let Christ show His miracles through you.