Keep on Movin' On

Don't freak out, but I have a pretty big update in my life. :)

I'm moving to England!

I've been accepted into three graduate programs, for social psychology, next fall (I haven't heard from the other schools yet, but I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with my options) and now I have have the task to decide which school to go to.

As far as difficulties go, this is a "pretty good" problem to have. And I've definitely been driving the people at work nuts talking about it constantly (luckily I'm going into psych, so I can help them out...haha, get it... ha...ha...).

It's weird because I feel like I should have had a "top" choice, but when I chose the schools I was applying to, I liked them all for different reasons and was thinking I'd be lucky to get into one of the schools, so I wouldn't have to choose.

I feel like this is an award-acceptance speech, but I really couldn't have had the courage to apply without all the good people in my life (those who specifically knew they were helping and those who didn't but are still awesome), so thank you. You're helping me live my dream.

So, I'm trying to sort out what I should do, what I should remember, and all of that. Do you have any suggestions?


PS in case you're wondering, I've been accepted to (in alphabetical order): Lancaster University, the Royal Holloway University of London, and the University of Kent

God Loves Me

These are two paragraphs from one of my all time favorite books, "The Continuous Atonement" by Brad Wilcox. I wanted to share it on my blog so that as you read it, you can feel of God's love for you, too.

"God loves me just as He loves His living prophets. I am one of the reasons for living prophets. God loves me just has He loves Joseph Smith. I am one of the reasons for the Restoration. God loves me just as He loves Jesus. I am one of the reasons for the Atonement. God loves people of every era just as He loved the people to whom Christ was sent in the meridian of time. Alma asked, 'Is not a soul at this time as precious unto God as a soul . . . at the time of His coming?' (Alma 39:17). Paul assured us that nothing can separate us from the love of God (see Romans 8:35-39). Jesus Himself said to ancient Israel, 'Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee" (Isaiah 49:15). " (page 134)

and

"No matter how deficient and beyond recovery I thought I was, God was bound to love me. No matter how many balls I had juggled and let fall, no matter how much weight I had gained, how much lack of self-control I demonstrated, and how many regrets I carried from the past, He was bound to love me. ... Earth life is not merely a way of proving myself to them, but also a way for them to prove their love to me. God and Jesus are bound to believe in me - in my potential and possibilities - even when I don't. ... He is a perfect parent. ... And knowing He has not failed gives me the power I need to succeed." (page 133)

Recipe for Peace and Hope in a Troubled World

My “recipe” is what I try to remember in my own life: When something troubling you, remember 3 things:

My Two Cents - “Ordain Women”

I initially posted this on the 8th of October. It was too long, and so I am now revising it.

I have read 2 things - one of which I couldn't find, so I'll have to summarize it, and the other I will link to.

1. President Taylor, of the LDS church, once described how we have to learn to trust that God will take care of His church. If we follow His principles, nothing else matters - what people wear to church, questions we don't have answers to, and other people's shortcomings. Hold to the truth and don't get caught up in the ways of the world.

2. Doctrine and Covenants 102:23 which discusses that it is the responsibility of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, when there is a question on church doctrine, to have the president inquire of the Lord.

I heard someone very recently say they would not let their life be dictated by "the 80 year old men in the church office building" - and he is welcome to his opinion. But as for me, and my testimony, I will trust in God that He will inspire His leaders, and take care of His church.

Consider the lilies of the field - we are so loved. If we can remember to love God, and love our neighbor, we will trust in Him and find peace and answers to our very personal and hard struggles. There are many places - infinite - where we can fall off the path by a few degrees. I would hope we would remember and hold true to God.

Take Offense

I have former friends who take offense at everything. I was thinking about them, and my whole approach to making friends, when I came across this idea that wouldn't leave me alone. And, as I never know what I think until I read what I've written, I'm writing my thoughts down now. Also, none of this is really "new" but I did feel like I understood it a little better today.

It's not a commandment to love yourself

God's commandments do not include "Love Thyself." But, before you take it the wrong way, the point of this post is not to say you shouldn't love yourself. Just the opposite.

Know and Feel

I live in the fear/anxiety/over-thinking world far too often. This post is an attempt to be genuine and open about what I feel (or felt), instead of what I know. As you read this, you’ll probably say “Well duh, Cristina…”but be kind as you read this more self-reflective post about  – it takes a while for things to get from what I know to match what I feel.

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I used to be outgoing, fun, and confident. Through a series of small choices I now am introverted, fearful, and insecure. I used to make friends all over, and where I still have friends, I’m more careful about caring about them and worry constantly about myself and what they must be thinking/feeling about me.

For example, I remember distinctly when I stopped reaching out to people I didn’t know. My family used to go see houses for sale all over the area we lived. Once, we ventured beyond this and saw a house in a small town called Salem (not Massachusetts). Afterwards, we went to the local park and my brothers ran off and so when I saw two girls about my age playing hide-and-seek, I naturally included myself in their game as I’ve previously done. The older girl gave me a blunt lecture to go away, why would I think I could play with them? I still don’t like that park or the equipment they were playing on at the time. And it was there that I made my first decision that I wasn’t good enough to be included.

This choice has been made repeatedly as I’ve tried to change so I could be included. I’m told it’s a common desire. One middle school yearbook gave me a list of how to be attractive to guys I had to be quiet, with long brown hair, big eyes, and some other stuff. When friends’ lives have led them elsewhere, I’ve always decided it was because they realized I didn’t fit or wasn’t good enough, to be their friend. Etc.

Now, I have settled in a job that was easy, afraid to move on, I've secluded myself far away from the world, and am still actively putting up barriers because the pain of losing people or whatever it is, has been too great and I’ve decided over and over again that I am not worth it – that it is better that I be alone, a fly on the wall, only an observer – because no one wants to hear my opinion. I’ve been seduced into this sense of selfishness and pride, and I have been stuck here for quite some time.

There is hope though. I’ve started making decisions anyway – looking at grad school, taking time off work, publishing this blog post, talking to good friends, adjusting my goals and expectations, and of course, turning to the Lord for help. So, I will continue on this path and hopefully shed these negative pieces as I learn to live more in the faith/hope/charity world.