But, today: mine is not one of those.
For one thing, I am pretty sure, that even though everyone has a story that could break your heart, they also have a story of miracles, of faith and perseverance. Somehow, they succeeded in some way. This doesn't mean their trials aren't important. In fact, recently many more stories I've heard have broken my heart. I have also been able to find more joy. It just depends on where you focus and what your priorities are.
Anyway, to get off my tangent: My life is going great, I feel like my true self, something that hasn't been as constant lately as I would wish. I am happy, dedicated, about doing good, yet I still fail sometimes, but hey, 'tis life. I just am at peace, and happy. Life is scary, for instance: budgeting is scary-I'm about to buy a car...what? Yes, the end is in sight. The funny thing is, is that I have made the budget probably about a dozen different times, each with the prognosis that it is safe to move forward. Yet, I hadn't felt the peace and strength I do about it, until just recently.
For one thing, I experienced this:
Yes. I did take these pictures. With my cell phone. Through these fancy glasses that you can only see the sun through {hence everything else is black}. It was such an amazing experience, and it wasn't just the astronomy-nerd part of me {though, that part was very satisfied--until 2017 when it's a total eclipse!!}
If you've been reading my blog, you'll know that the whole friend-situation has been a challenge for me lately. So. I did something to change that. I made new friends. Ha. Revolutionary idea right? Well, to be as brief as I can be about this, the best place in UT to see the eclipse was in this tiny town in southern Utah called Kanarraville. Apparently, an app told everyone to go there, so the streets were lined with people. BUT I digress-again.
It was about a 6 hour drive, round trip. And the whole way I got to know some really great people, and experience something that was truly extraordinary. I also wanted to mention about remembering and eclipses a few different things: First, it is easy to let things blind us from our goals, and it can become hard to find joy in the journey. It can be hard to take a significant part of the day to watch an event that only lasts about 10 minutes total, even though it is truly amazing. We also had to do a little bit of preparation for this trip, making sure we had the right glasses to avoid retinal damage, reliable ways to get down there, food, etc.
My friend had a ton of homework she wanted to be doing, but she decided to come down with us instead. Normally, I wouldn't recommend this, but even though she had all of these things begging for her time, she decided to take a break, that something else mattered a little more right now and the other things could wait. Important things have a way of getting done. Priorities definitely matter, and one shouldn't give up what matters most for what matters in the moment. I get that. But I also get that sometimes we can take a break, we can relax our stress levels and trust that things will work out for the best. We were so glad we went. This trip truly was incredible. We made memories that day, and best of all, we now have tons of inside jokes which had been in short supply. Sorry guys, you just won't necessarily get my references to finding puppies in Kanosh, or taking a "short cut" to "triangle mountain," that bumble-bees and lady bugs are more than just insects- they can actually squish cars and are our best friends. Or best of all, the complete cure for boredom for 3 different groups of people. Ok. I'm sorry for losing you.
Life has a way of being wonderful when you let yourself see it. I have a love of writing, convincing myself that the things I have to say are of worth, and let's face it, they obviously are {at least occasionally when I don't ramble all over the place}. But anyway, I have had to get a new journal, because two blogs aren't enough. My old journal seemed to develop the theme of "Keep Moving Forward" and this new journal's theme already is "Look for the Lord in your daily life" which has been a great activity for me.
The next tid-bit I want to throw in here, and I swear it related when I made a rough outline of how I wanted this post to go {yes it started out in an orderly fashion} is in relation to my birthday. I shall let you in on a little secret. Every year, since 2007 or so, I debate whether or not I should leave my birthday up on Facebook so that my friends can see it and wish me a happy birthday. Each year I devise a plan that starts out by me removing it from Facebook. I only want my "true" friends to remember. But, then, I remember that no one actually remembers birthdays anymore-I remember my family's and my childhood friends {pre-Facebook}. So, then I try to come up with different ways of telling people without telling them--i.e., an event or wall post that it's coming up-this year, it's a shameless blog post. I don't know why I have to mentally go through this every year, but it seriously is an annual internal debate, maybe I'll continue it just out of sentimental reasons... we'll see.
See, I hate being the center of attention, yet I love knowing I'm not invisible-which implies some attention. It's a tough line to walk. So, each year, I dance between the two options- do I tell people, or don't I tell? I am telling you guys now because, I figure a couple things: first, if you're reading this entire post, you must be a true friend, or just bored...And because I have decided to let it be on Facebook. Stay tuned for next year when I go through this again. So what if people don't actively remember to count down till my birthday? They still wish me to have an excellent day. They are still my friends. They still care about me. How does this relate to anything else I've talked about?
Well, I've decided to be more open with people. For instance, I'm in a dinner group and today was my day to cook. I had it all planned out, and then right before people came over, I spilled grease/fat all over the kitchen floor, my pasta boiled/exploded all over the stove, etc. etc. I was embarrassed, it was such a disaster. Guess what, the world didn't end. My friends understood, and they helped me pick up the kitchen, and were very kind and patient with me AND they kept complimenting me anyway.
I have decided it is ok to be the center of attention for a little while, even if I am not a perfect example once I get there {for instance, I never know how to act when people sing to me for my birthday, resulting in feelings of awkwardness and general distaste for the whole thing}.
I get blinded by wanting to be perfect, to be organized and efficient, that I let other things, that are truly more important--like forging friendships, and being compassionate even when it isn't "efficient" or could make me late for something--fall through the cracks.
This is my commitment to you: I will be a better friend, more patient, more compassionate, and most importantly, more fun. I'm in a very good mood as I write this--probably because I am staying up way too late--and I know that I can get better, more like my Savior in making my priorities and choosing my attitude/actions.
Life is a long process, theoretically giving us enough time to perfect ourselves. This means we are right where we need to be, even though we are not perfect now. It means that we need to keep working so we get there. Ah, balance. It's everywhere. Let's keep working and keep remembering.
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