February Testimony

My testimony this month really can be summed up that even in times when I don't feel I'm at my best,  a little closed off or whatever, that Christ is there for me - and I am coming to know Him better each day. And that's awesome! I can come back, feel of God's love, and be carried through my challenges.

Well, this month a lot has been on my mind throughout the month of January. Most recently, I’ve been working on softening my heart and being more loving, I guess is how I’d say it. I’ve been working on finding a good balance between school, church activities, friends, and “me” time, I guess.

My friend and I recently started this thing where we have a chart, and get “points” for doing certain things, like reading our scriptures or drinking enough water in the day. The two biggest daily challenges for me have been the no sugar and the physical exercise boxes. Surprisingly, I am actually not as tempted as I’d have thought by treats, though of course there are moments. I just thought I’d have withdrawals… haha but it isn’t too hard to turn sweets down when offered. It helps that we get 3 “freebies” a week, so 3 treats a week. I like it because it gives me something to look forward to, and there isn’t so much guilt associated if I have a treat, because I can try again tomorrow.

I feel like it is similar… ish… in a way to the Atonement. Only, it isn’t about getting points or checking boxes, but about becoming better and celebrating what you’re doing well. Right now I really appreciate having something tangible to be accountable to, but I can already feel myself internalizing it. Likewise, with the gospel, it is about growth and changing our desires.

At institute we read over a talk about pride. It was a really good lesson, and is something I’ve been thinking about a lot the last few weeks. My heart is feeling really worn out, to be honest… I just feel like I am trying to balance so much, that I am kind of shutting down and mindlessly going through things. I’ve been feeling down or just completely disconnected from the world around me.

I am so grateful that I went to church today. In testimony meeting, so many taught of Christ, and even though my heart is a little closed off right now, I felt it begin to open back up and feel the joy and, healing, I guess, start. My favorite comment was about recognizing His comforting voice, and remembering that we are known to Him and He helps us each step of the way. I may not feel very strong right now, especially looking ahead in my life, but I do trust in Christ and know that because of Him, I can keep going and the best things will work out.