Be Ok

My life goes in phases. I'm again finding it so important to remember that everything will be ok, and when I do that, I am able to let go of the stress and enjoy life again. I'm not exactly sure where the phrase "ok" comes from as I've heard a couple different ideas, but I like it. It's short and easy for me to remember. This has been on my mind lately and I wanted to share some thoughts.

Lies: Nothing but the Truth

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why lying is a big deal. I know we talk about it a lot, but I haven't really thought about it that much until recently.

This post will hopefully help us understand about lying, and find the compassion we need to forgive. We've all made mistakes and need to learn to let things go, but it takes a long time to get over the hurt. It also ties into hypocrisy, and intention. 

So, hypocrisy, the unintentional hurt, and disappointment from people not living up to the idea we have of them is hard to deal with. Yet, this is easier to forgive because "they didn't mean to." 

Hypocrites usually don't mean to be hypocritical. 

They've just justified their behavior to themselves, and don't feel like that label applies to them. 

What I'm trying to say, is that we need to get to a point where we don't take offense; even if it is intentional. Should it matter if it is a long series of intentional "offenses"? I submit that though it is much harder, it isn't something we should have to hold on to. Yes, this makes me a hypocrite because I've taken offense at someone when it was intentional, and of course when it was unintentional. I'm still a work in progress. It doesn't make the truth is any less true.

God doesn't lie. We are able to trust Him, something that is so vital to our progression, because we know He doesn't lie.Therefore, if I understand why lying is so awful and hurts so much, and change my perception and behavior, then I can be more like Him, I can be a better person, and I don't have to hurt those around me, and theoretically can forgive those who hurt me.

It's a tall order.

And I'm short {haha....but really}.We all fall short, when we're working alone.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where all people struggle, all people are going to disappoint us, try to cover up the hard truths with white lies, or are just scared of losing us, so they tell us what they think we want to hear, or what is easier for them to admit to. Come on, we've all been there.

So, why is it so hard on the other side? When you're the one that sees someone struggle, when you are the person your friend doesn't want to disappoint, is scared of losing, and can't admit their shortcomings to, it really hurts. Look - I have felt the hurt, and I don't have a perfect answer that allows you to heal yourself.

"You have your agency, and inspiration [or healing/progression] does not--perhaps cannot--flow unless you ask for it....No message in scripture is repeated more often than the invitation, even the command, to pray--to ask." President Boyd K. Packer

Lying hurts, it hurts those lied to and it hurts those who lie. Hypocrisy isn't going to go away over night but it is something we can work on, and we can learn to forgive even those closest to us, who we see repeatedly fall short. We can't do it alone. Yet, we can get through this challenge, like any other challenge set before us.

Our Eternal Treasure Map

The other day I helped make a treasure map, and it sparked some thought and discovery surrounding our own Eternal Treasure Maps.

I've been thinking a lot lately about light, direction, and confusion.

So, what does this have to do with treasure maps? Well, we're here on this mortal existence, trying to make sense of what we've been given in comparison to what we can see around us. One of the things we can see around us is where we want to go. Another is how we think we can get there. Finally, is others around us.

We are given a series of clues (as shown in the middle of the map), which are usually cryptic, and we are given images of surrounding areas corresponding with the clues and general direction.

Then, we are left to choose. We get to fully decide who we are, where we are going, and if we will strive to follow the directions given to us.

Now, you can't tell from the picture, but by the trees, it gives the warning "Here there be monsters" to explain to the holder of the map why they can't just cut from the start to the finish. So, we can choose if we want to face the monsters and hope to find a path through, or we can go around as the map directs.

We may not even know where exactly the path is ending, or what the clues truly mean until we get there. Once we do, it may become clear that "Joseph's Grave" is not actually a grave site, but a granite sign with the name Joseph on it.

Others around us may look like they are following the same map and should be at the same place you are. We are all given the clues, we are all given help along the way, and we don't know where they are on the map, or what detours they've taken compared to us.

We can only follow the clues we've been given, the hints of inspiration and the moments of clarity.

Keep walking towards the light, towards heaven. Please remember that you may think you understand the clues up ahead, but don't skip past them anyway. Take that one step in front of you now and continue in faith. You'll get to your destination, you can see some things ahead now, keep going and learning along the way.

Learn the lesson that is in front of you, and keep searching for understanding. Follow the True Light, and you'll come out alright.

Unexpected Lesson

This unexpected journey began with my daily study yesterday, in the second chapter of Helaman. Yesterday was a day of turmoil for me, mainly because I didn’t have concrete plans for my day and so had a lot more down time and I ruminated a lot on my life and where it was, and where it is headed. This post is long, and I understand if you skim or just don't read it, but I would say that what I have to say is of worth and I would encourage you to read all of it. Don't mind any grammar or other mistakes, I do not claim it is of worth because of my skill as a writer.

A little back story for your reading pleasure: Each day I read the same chapter from the Book of Mormon twice; once in the morning and once again before I go to bed. This is just the method I have found that works the best for me. After each time through, I spend about 10 minutes specifically applying that chapter to myself and recording it in my journal, helping me to actually pay attention to what I read.

Chapter 2 is short. It explains first how, after much contention and division among the people, Helaman becomes chief judge after the introduction of Kishkumen and the band. It details how Gadianton becomes the leader and plots the murder of Helaman’s life, yet is stopped by the servant of Helaman. This is all great, but I struggled applying it. Until I focused on the last 2 verses especially. Verse thirteen says “And behold, in the end of this book ye shall see that this Gadianton did prove the overthrow, yea almost the entire destruction of the people of Nephi.” Why is this? It started with the contention and division among the people. Here is what I wrote for the morning: “What things in your life destroy your peace? Which divide your heard and hurt your soul, though they may seem flattering at the time, maybe not even harmful, they just satisfy your curiosity? Do not give them place in your heart. Leave only that which brings you closer to Christ, healing your wounded soul, things that are in harmony with God’s law, because in the end, either path will shape you, your very soul either unto destruction or unto eternal joy. If you do not follow Christ, you will find yourself in misery.”

When I wrote that, I began to be intrigued what things hold me back, but I couldn’t think of anything. However, by the end of a very hard day emotionally, I unintentionally answered the question I posed in the morning, and I was shocked and humbled how the Lord taught me. Here is what I wrote:

“I know all the right answers, but I don’t feel them. I do not feel that they apply to me, I do not feel God’s love for me. If anyone else was saying this or feeling what I am feeling right now, I would and do feel God’s love for them. But I do not feel it for me. I just feel alone, I just feel I am not ever going to be “good enough,” or that people actually love ME, that I am somehow ever going to be “worth it” that I would ever be wanted or included; I feel that it is always my fault, I am always wrong. I truly feel that I will just be left looking in to others’ joy for eternity. *These are the thoughts that will be the destruction of my soul if I do not come unto Christ. Peace is often disturbed by sin, keep trying to find it again.”

*is where I realized how it applied to me, and felt humbled. I do not always feel like I felt yesterday, in fact, I woke up feeling much better, after a restless night pondering my feelings and trying to find peace. This lesson was not what I expected. I had thought it was merely a pity-party, but the Lord used it to teach me a lesson, and I am glad I listened.

See, the Nephites’ peace is always destroyed by the Lamanites, and usually that is because a dissenter went over there and brought back the force of the Lamanites to the Nephites. I just finished the war chapters and as I read those, I thought of how we can liken these things to ourselves, and for a lot of good info on the war chapters, see John Bytheway’s book “Righteous warriors” but this thought doesn’t directly come from there. I thought a lot how the body is like the land of the Nephites. Each city has to be protected, just like each value or desire must be protected. It is a continual effort, and sometimes we let sin into just one area of our lives, we lose a city to the Lamanites as it were. The Nephites who dissent from the religion often went and provoked the Lamanites to come and disturb the peace of the Nephites, like how we have to let sin in, sometimes it comes on its own, but we have to stop doing our part and keep it far from us. By not preparing ourselves and fighting for what is right, we lose part of ourselves. This was yesterday’s lesson.

I am hesitant to post this, feeling like the bulk of it is far too personal to share, and even when I decided to share it, I figured I would only put it on my other blog because only the "devout" or "true" followers of my story would read it there. But, in church today, I was open to the Spirit, because of many things detailed elsewhere, and the thought “why do you fear sharing the things of your soul? The truth is within you and you can share your experiences with others, there is no need to be distrustful of the people who will read this. And you will do good by sharing it.” So. I am. I hope this and the rest of what I write today will be a benefit to someone.