So I've seemed to slack off when it comes to writing in any type of journal - and feel I ought to get a bit better. This past month I've not been up to much except trying to sort out my dissertation. I did have a few adventures of course, but mostly I've been typing away.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
Thursday, July 16, 2015
July Testimony, Thoughts, and Autopilot
So for the last couple weeks it seems, and any moment I can pause for a second, I have been quickly overwhelmed and on the verge of tears. No need to panic, I shall be fine. But I've been incredibly panicked about my future and ... I'm not sure panic is the right word to describe my emotion. Intimidated and wilting, numbing out everything. I've been going around on what feels like autopilot, knowing a lot of the right answers and what I should be doing, and I am grateful that I have continued to do so despite the mental challenges lately. Anyway, I realized today that I have neglected to update my testimony blog. I guess I'm only a month and a half late... so would have posted two testimonies by now, but at least you get this one.
My life is a bit crazy at the moment. Today I was struck with the imagery that even though everything seems to feel unsure and so much is in the balance, there is one firm core of me that is in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't quite always feel in touch with it, but it is always there, and I am so grateful. I don't know if that makes sense.
Today at institute, a friend of mine came up to me and said he looks up to me spiritually (not literally, I'm quite short), and I was just kind of blown away because I don't feel spiritually strong right now. I don't feel like I can help anyone or even myself out of this little rut. And as I've been crying - or rather, tearing up (I don't really cry), on my way home from institute and pondering - a lot of pondering this week in general anyway - I realized that I hadn't shared my testimony in a while, and that typically is associated with my general feeling of "knowing" but not "feeling" or even necessarily "believing." I've gotten too inward focused, too distracted, and luckily because of the continuous blessings, I haven't strayed very far. And I am able to think more clearly about what I believe.
And I do feel like I have a strong core of faith. I definitely don't know everything, but, I do believe in my Saviour. I do believe that He is real, and I do believe that my choices matter. Lately, so many things haven't felt real. My life here in London, my future, even my family back home. So many things are a bit disconnected from me and yet, I don't feel like God is disconnected from me, or rather that I'm still disconnecting myself from God. And that is quite the improvement from what I was feeling a bit ago.
My testimony is the foundation to my identity, and sometimes I get distracted, I get lost and confused. Yet, because of the Atonement and the faithful teachings and love of God and His chosen leaders, I have been able to learn and apply some of His counsel and build up that faith in Him. I'm still working on it, and have a long way to go. But, I shall continue to do what I can. And that is my testimony for both June and July. ;)
My life is a bit crazy at the moment. Today I was struck with the imagery that even though everything seems to feel unsure and so much is in the balance, there is one firm core of me that is in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I don't quite always feel in touch with it, but it is always there, and I am so grateful. I don't know if that makes sense.
Today at institute, a friend of mine came up to me and said he looks up to me spiritually (not literally, I'm quite short), and I was just kind of blown away because I don't feel spiritually strong right now. I don't feel like I can help anyone or even myself out of this little rut. And as I've been crying - or rather, tearing up (I don't really cry), on my way home from institute and pondering - a lot of pondering this week in general anyway - I realized that I hadn't shared my testimony in a while, and that typically is associated with my general feeling of "knowing" but not "feeling" or even necessarily "believing." I've gotten too inward focused, too distracted, and luckily because of the continuous blessings, I haven't strayed very far. And I am able to think more clearly about what I believe.
And I do feel like I have a strong core of faith. I definitely don't know everything, but, I do believe in my Saviour. I do believe that He is real, and I do believe that my choices matter. Lately, so many things haven't felt real. My life here in London, my future, even my family back home. So many things are a bit disconnected from me and yet, I don't feel like God is disconnected from me, or rather that I'm still disconnecting myself from God. And that is quite the improvement from what I was feeling a bit ago.
My testimony is the foundation to my identity, and sometimes I get distracted, I get lost and confused. Yet, because of the Atonement and the faithful teachings and love of God and His chosen leaders, I have been able to learn and apply some of His counsel and build up that faith in Him. I'm still working on it, and have a long way to go. But, I shall continue to do what I can. And that is my testimony for both June and July. ;)
Sunday, May 3, 2015
May-be I'll Share
In this next instalment of Cristina's Testimony... I hate writing introductions.
Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting. As I've stated before, I am not usually comfortable sharing my testimony in our Sacrament Meeting services. However, today, I was prevailed upon to share my testimony in our Relief Society Meeting. Here's what happened. {ooh, intriguing!}
Today was Fast and Testimony Meeting. As I've stated before, I am not usually comfortable sharing my testimony in our Sacrament Meeting services. However, today, I was prevailed upon to share my testimony in our Relief Society Meeting. Here's what happened. {ooh, intriguing!}
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Car Park Queries
And now, for a brief interruption in my 12-month testimony sharing goal. So, as I am living in London at the moment, the title of this post had to be the British version, though most of the story took place in an American parking lot - where I had lots of questions. Ok. Moving on to the story.
Sunday, March 1, 2015
We did *March* forth
(The title comes from Alma 56:32)
This is the third "instalment" of my testimony goal for 2015, and I mean to "March" forth through the rest of the year, improving as I go. I still really struggle with saying it in a ward setting, so I am still glad to have this resource to share my testimony and thoughts.
This is the third "instalment" of my testimony goal for 2015, and I mean to "March" forth through the rest of the year, improving as I go. I still really struggle with saying it in a ward setting, so I am still glad to have this resource to share my testimony and thoughts.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
February Testimony
My testimony this month really can be summed up that even in times when I don't feel I'm at my best, a little closed off or whatever, that Christ is there for me - and I am coming to know Him better each day. And that's awesome! I can come back, feel of God's love, and be carried through my challenges.
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