Funny and Assorted Favorite Quotes

I love quotes. These past few posts have all been straight from my Facebook page where I've been collecting them for awhile. Love them. Will keep adding to these posts as I find good ones. Sorry for the weird formatting. I'll work on it.

What's up I think is best described as the direction contrary to the pull of gravity
{Since then, I've heard it's much more complicated than that but takes awhile to explain all the meanings behind what "up" truly is)

"You have found me out! It's someone I met at the library today- I couldn't flee fast enough and he coaxed my number AND address from me the smooth talker." --anonymous

I have successfully (and by successfully I mean mostly, kind of) mastered the use of chopsticks

"I miss you like the Book of Mormon missed the Bible during the Great Apostasy."

"The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawn mower."
To me, cats are the crab grass in the Lawn of Life-- Snoopy

Whenever I start thinking that I am not living up to my potential, I remind myself of the old farmer and his fight to the death with the insane pig. It's an exciting story, and it takes my mind off all this "potential" business.--Jack Handey

I have the patience of a saint, but the temper of a goddess. So I guess that means I wait for the perfect moment to strike you down. Sarah Jensen

"she said she prayed about it."
"dude, those are the worst, cuz it's like, 'i think you're cool, but Jesus says you’re not.'"
"Jesus rejection sucks." --Overheard @ BYU

"Some chimney sweep in soot you are..." (think knight in shining armor)

"in life, doors close and doors open. Be brave enough to step through the open ones, and don't get stuck in the revolving ones."

"1001 Ways to Make You Smile" writes “you should always smile. If you can’t make the corners go up, let the middle sag.”

"Minds are like parachutes, just because you lost yours, doesn't mean you can borrow mine."


History of the world according to student bloopers

Other:

An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. - Jef Mallett

What would you attempt to do if you knew you couldn’t fail? - Gandhi

"I must learn to love the fool in me-the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled...tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human...humility, and dignity but for my fool." - Theodore I. Rubin

"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." –E.E. Cummings

"Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open." --John Barrymore

"If you find yourself in hell right now, ask yourself honestly. Are you walking to the end or are you turning around, always trying to find a safer, less damaging route? If you are one of the ones walking, keep going. If you are among the latter, do something truly terrifying for yourself. Choose one road, any road, and start running. Run full speed and do not stop. Do not look back. Do not worry that you have made a wrong choice. The future will seem uncertain. It will seem unsafe. But you have to keep running. You must run until turning back is impossible. Only then will you see the beauty that sits on the horizon." Single Dad Laughing- http://www.danoah.com/2011/02/thousand-roads-through-hell.html

Favorite Quotes Part 3

"You can know the things you need to know. Pray that you will learn to receive that inspiration and remain worthy to receive it. Keep that channel—your mind—clean and free from the clutter of the world."
—Boyd K. Packer


"A key to improved prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the strength to fulfill it."
Elder Richard G. Scott

No lasting glory is without a struggle. Life without difficulty is against its nature.

"I'm God's girl. You don't mess with God's girl. I have a sign on my forehead saying "you don't mess with me, because my Father runs the world."

"Please remember this one thing. If our lives and our faith are centered upon Jesus Christ and his restored gospel, nothing can ever go permanently wrong. On the other hand, if our lives are not centered on the Savior and his teachings, no other success can ever be permanently right." Howard W. Hunter

"So work hard, and pray, but do not worry" Howard W. Hunter


"Peace in this life is based upon faith and testimony."
James E. Faust

"You have a heritage honor it. You posses a testimony share it. You will face temptations withstand it. You know the truth live it."
— Thomas S. Monson

"We are not obedient because we are blind. We are obedient because we can SEE"

"Knowledge increases Obedience. Obedience enhances knowledge"

"Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them. Be fair with your competitors, whether in business, athletics, or elsewhere. Don’t get drawn into some of the parlance of our day and try to “win” by intimidation or by undermining someone’s character. Lend a hand to those who are frightened, lonely, or burdened."
Marvin J. Ashton, April 1992

Keep it simple. The devil loves complexity. - Elder M. Russell Ballard

Be grateful that your righteous life molds you so that you don't fit where you don't belong. - Elder Richard G. Scott

You can’t walk out on your own story. –Rango

It is not surprising to learn that people who tell white lies soon become color-blind. - Elder Marvin J. Ashton

Be one who nurtures and who builds. Be one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart, who looks for the best in people. Leave people better than you found them. Be fair with your competitors, whether in business, athletics, or elsewhere. Don’t get drawn into some of the parlance of our day and try to “win” by intimidation or by undermining someone’s character. Lend a hand to those who are frightened, lonely, or burdened." Marvin J. Ashton, April 1992

Favorite Quotes Part 2

"Don’t worry about how inexperienced you are or think you are, but think about what, with the Lord’s help, you can become."—Henry B. Eyring

"Scriptures are like packets of light that illuminate our minds and give place to guidance and inspiration from on high. They can become the key to open the channel to communion with our Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ."—Richard G. Scott

"We each have moments of spiritual power, moments of inspiration and revelation. We must sink them deep into the chambers of our souls. As we do, we prepare our spiritual home storage for moments of personal difficulty."—Neil L. Andersen

"Those who diligently seek to learn of Christ eventually will come to know Him. They will personally receive a divine portrait of the Master, although it most often comes in the form of a puzzle—one piece at a time. Each individual piece may not be easily recognizable by itself; it may not be clear how it relates to the whole. Each piece helps us to see the big picture a little more clearly. Eventually, after enough pieces have been put together, we recognize the grand beauty of it all. Then, looking back on our experience, we see that the Savior had indeed come to be with us—not all at once but quietly, gently, almost unnoticed."  —Dieter F. Uchtdorf

"We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead and remember that faith is always pointed toward the future."
—Jeffrey R. Holland,

"The search for the best things inevitably leads to the foundational principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ—the simple and beautiful truths revealed to us by a caring, eternal, and all-knowing Father in Heaven. These core doctrines and principles, though simple enough for a child to understand, provide the answers to the most complex questions of life."
—Dieter F. Uchtdorf



James Barrie, the author of Peter Pan: “Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”

"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"Be believing, be happy, don't get discouraged. Things will work out."
— Gordon B. Hinckley

"The only way to get through life is to laugh your way through it. You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache."
— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

“Come from your wandering way, weary traveler. Come to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Come to that heavenly haven called home. Here you will discover the truth. Here you will learn the reality of the Godhead, the comfort of the plan of salvation, the sanctity of the marriage covenant, the power of personal prayer. Come home.”
( “Dedication Day,” Ensign, Nov. 2000, 66.)

“Sometimes we let our thoughts of tomorrow take up too much of today. Daydreaming of the past and longing for the future may provide comfort but will not take the place of living in the present. This is the day of our opportunity, and we must grasp it.”
( “In Search of Treasure,” Ensign, May 2003, 20.)

“Whatever our calling, regardless of our fears or anxieties, let us pray and then go and do.”
( “They Pray and They Go,” Ensign, May 2002, 51.)

"Whereas the bird is at home in the air, we are clearly not at home in time--because we belong to eternity. Time, as much as any one thing, whispers to us that we are strangers here. If time were natural to us, why is it that we have so many clocks and wear wristwatches?" - Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Never forget that you are a child of God. You have a divine birthright. Something of the very nature of God is within you. The Psalmist sang, 'I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.' (Psalm 82:6.)"
Gordon B. Hinckley

"Every man eventually is backed up to the wall of faith, and there he must make his stand” President Ezra Taft Benson

"When we treat people merely as they are, they will remain as they are. When we treat them as if they were what they should be, they will become what they should be. "
— Thomas S. Monson (Pathways to Perfection: Discourses of Thomas S. Monson)

Favorite Quotes Part 1

Be curious, but doubt not! Always hold fast to faith and to the light you have already received. Because we see imperfectly in mortality, not everything is going to make sense right now. In fact, I should think that if everything did make sense to us, it would be evidence that it had all been made up by a mortal mind. President Uchtdorf (read the whole thing here, it's phenomenal)

"Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life. Together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead. Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, 'All things are possible to him that believeth.'"
—Elder Neil L. Andersen 

"We need to be constantly reminded of the eternal reasons behind the things we are commanded to do. The basic gospel principles need to be part of our life’s fabric, even if it means learning them over and over and over again. That doesn’t mean that this process should be rote or boring. Rather, when we teach the foundational principles in our homes or in church, let the flame of enthusiasm for the gospel and the fire of testimony bring light, warmth, and joy to the hearts of those we teach."
—President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

...The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us. And to endure well is to keep those commandments whatever the opposition, whatever the temptation, and whatever the tumult around us. We have the clear understanding because the restored gospel makes the plan of happiness so plain.
CR, Apr. 2004, P. 15 col. 2 President Eyring

"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be"--Abraham Lincoln--

When you are going through something hard, and wonder where God is, remember, a teacher is always quiet during a test." a FB "Trust in the Lord" page, cheesy? yes, but true.

Don't try to be different, just be good. To be good is different enough. ~Arthur Freed

"Our doctrine is clear; we are to be positive and of good cheer. We emphasize our faith, not our fears. We rejoice in the Lord’s assurance that He will stand by us and give us guidance and direction. The Holy Ghost testifies to our hearts that we have a loving Father in Heaven, whose merciful plan for our redemption will be fulfilled in every aspect because of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ."
—Elder Quentin L. Cook

"God is preparing people to receive your testimony of restored truth. He requires your faith and then your action to share fearlessly what has become so precious to you and those you love."
—Henry B. Eyring

"Faith in God includes faith in His timing." -Elder Neal A. Maxwell

"A friend is one who knows who you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still gently allows you to grow." -William Shakespeare

"From a drop of water, a logician could infer the possibility of an Atlantic or a Niagara without having seen or heard of one or the other. So all life is a great chain, the nature of which is known whenever we are shown a single link of it." -Arthur Conan Doyle

"Stick to a task 'til it sticks to you. . .for beginners are many, but finishers few."
— Thomas S. Monson

Stories, Eclipse, Inside Jokes, Journals, Attention, Birthdays, AND MORE

Everyone has a story, that if told, could break your heart.

But, today: mine is not one of those.

Roles

Where I work, we have a consultant come in once a week and basically train us to be better people, not just in work but in life. Each week, at the end of his lectures he has us choose an "action item" that we are supposed to act on during the week, and we report back on our progress at the next meeting. Now, this post is coming a little late, but it was inspired by his lesson two weeks ago, and what happened Monday at my bishop's house for FHE.

Our discussion was on roles, and he had a quote about the roles we choose to accept. True to form, I don't know the exact wording, and couldn't find it online, but it just talked about how we live our lives based on the roles we consciously or unconsciously choose to accept.

So, for my "action item," I chose to make a list of all the roles I am currently accepting, and a list of the roles I want to accept in my life. Now, when I finally got around to making this list on Monday, I wasn't having a good day. Well, good week actually. My friend and I have had a falling out, nothing major or dramatic, just a quiet parting of ways--though we still live in the same apartment, which makes it harder. Anyway, so when I wrote my list, it was rather negative, but if you continue reading, you'll see it worked out alright.

"Current" list:
"Cristina is boring, quiet, lonely, a 'selective' hard worker, daughter, sister, kind hearted, depressive, "exhausting to be around," not 'worth it to be around,' an executive assistant, poor, used-to-be-dancer, a person who lags behind, a person who doesn't have many friends, a complainer, weak.


Cristina wants to be friendly, strong, happy, hard working, a person with vision and purpose, wife, mother, friend of many, faithful, true, forgiving, patient, humble.


So - to get there - Go to ward activities, participate, talk to the quiet ones, smile, forgive quickly, be charitable and compassionate, pray always, have a plan, put one foot in front of the other. I am going to throw away the list of where I am now, and only keep the list of where I want to go, so I can focus on that instead.

Then, even after making this list, I almost didn't go to FHE, even after deciding I needed to focus on being friendly and active. Yet, I did. I made better friends, and I enjoyed myself even after an emotionally draining day. Then, my bishop gave a lesson, and we read many scriptures on faith, and miracles, and strength, and hope for the future. He said after interviewing many of us, talking with us, and seeing our struggles, that was what he wanted the ward to know, is to have faith, to be strong, to remember that God is a God of miracles, that we can succeed, and often, we have more faith than we realize.

This lesson really touched me, and the Spirit testified that I am a person of faith, and that I need not hold onto the things which make me sad. One of those is that I sometimes feel I am not as faithful as I need to be. Yet, I know that I am faithful, that is a role I am choosing to accept in my life. I am choosing to move forward, I am choosing to see the hand of the Lord in my life, for I know He is actively a part of it, and that I can be faithful and strong as I embark on yet another unknown path, I have people along the way who love me, who care, who have been where I am and are willing to help me, I did have to ask for it, I did have to have enough faith to move forward in whatever way I could.

I want you to remember to know that God is good. I want you to remember that you are a person of worth, even at your lowest times, that there is always hope, that you can always move forward, you can always have hope in your heart, and that is because of His Son, even Jesus Christ, who knows the way to true peace and strength, even joy for eternity, and we just have to keep going. Know where you are, but most importantly, have a vision for where you want to go.

Lately, I have really liked the words from a Primary song, "what does He ask? Have faith, have hope, live like His Son: help others on their way." This is my goal, this is the direction I want to go. I am accepting the role as a faithful follower of Christ, one who listens to Him, and finds the strength to help others in the way only I can.

Now, I just need to remember this faster. I know that as I remember this, I have joy, and I have strength to move forward. I am a person of faith, I am a person of hope, and I can live like His Son, even Jesus Christ, by looking beyond myself, and finding the compassion and understanding to help others along the way.

A Time to Dance

It is time to dance. It is time to be happy in the journey, no matter the trial we’re facing. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven….A time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance.

Asking

Asking for help is probably the one of the hardest things in the world for most people. It can be a pride thing.  

In general, I have only considered this angle of the post. I am sure it extends to other things, but I think pride hinders asking significantly. One that isn't going to change by merely writing about it on a blog post, or reading about it either.  I would love a discussion about anything else, but for a minute, consider this:

"Pull over and just ask for directions!"

It's not just guys that can't ask for help. Maybe in asking for driving directions :) , but we all have areas where we just want to figure it out on our own. And is that bad? It's probably not the worst thing in the world, in all instances. Yet, it definitely can be a huge problem.

Briefly, I want to share three experiences where the prime lesson I've needed to learn is how to ask for help.

Arm and Foot, two experiences, within 6 months, injuries. Ok. Because I am super verbose, I am combining two injuries into one. Plus, they both happened while walking, so obviously they fit together. About a year and a half-to-two years ago, I broke by arm and had to have surgery on my foot from getting a toothpick stuck in there (pride moment: I had a dance competition, still went, and was a semi-finalist in Gold Latin....no I didn't know it was in there at the time or I would have complained too much and sat out). Well, during this time, of almost 6 months of a major limb not being functional, I had to swallow my pride and ask for help quite a lot. 

And, like I've been noticing lately, it isn't just hard for me. I had a friend who just stopped me, as I was trying to carry 8 empty, odd shaped boxes to the dumpster, and said very plainly that it is ok to ask for help, and that I truly needed it. There was no shame in asking, it just is needed. You are not less awesome for having to ask for a little help.

Third story: Car. Miracles. I don't own a car, from the end of January-March I was a substitute teacher teaching all over Utah and Wasatch counties. Now, I just work in Orem, but still need a car (the bus route is not efficient and I just don't want to ride it, again, it's a pride thing...). There has not been one day where I did not find a ride. But, I almost always had to ask for it. It definitely got easier as I went along, and as I asked the same people, but I always had to swallow my pride and admit to not being able to do something for myself. Do you see the miracle? It's May now, so that is about 100 rides. I paid for gas of course, but still. People were amazing and surely received many blessings from Heaven, and it started with asking. 

Moral of this story: Just ask for help. 

It is incredibly easy and can be prideful to only want to be the one giving service. Yes, the Savior gave service, but He also took service. It's not mentioned as much, but it seems His friends helped take care of Him too. That scripture I linked describes how Christ did not have a home to lay down for the night, but He spent it somewhere and is often with friends.

Just ask. My friend has a big need but she told me straight up that she wasn't going to ask for help {I wasn't able to help her either so it was safe to tell me this}. I am not trying to condemn her for pride, but it is intriguing. We all have areas where we fall short. We all have weaknesses. Sometimes, we don't even know what they are. So, ask for help, ask for feedback, ask for comments, direction, etc. 

Sorry, but your perspective isn't perfect. Neither is mine, naturally, but we must all learn to take feedback so that we can continue improving. I sometimes feel weak or worthless if I have to ask for help, but this is not true. It is true that I cannot do everything right, it is true that I fall short, that I don't see everything clearly, and so I must ask. People don't want to always jump in and tell me where I am failing, they don't want to "be mean" or sometimes, they just can't see where they can help me. There are lots of reasons, but there is no harm in asking for help. Just ask.

One last thing I would like to mention: Prayer. ASK for it. Don't just tell God of your problems; literally phrase it as a humble plea for help. Ask for help in thinking of solutions, ask for solutions, and ask for strength. I don't know, but you do, and He does too. And, He probably is the safest one to start asking for help, we know He loves us unconditionally, and perfectly knows our situation, so, start asking Him, and then He can help give you strength to ask your peers too.

Elder Richard G. Scott said "One of the great lessons that each of us needs to learn is to ask." That is how we receive personal revelation, that is how we receive truth, guidance, faith, strength, peace, we must humbly ask.

I hope this wasn't too out of line, boring, too repetitive, etc. I just have been noticing it a lot lately. People don't ask. They don't want to bother others; they don't want to draw attention to their ignorance/faults/other reasons. I know it can be hard, but I also promise it is worth it.

So, when I posted this on my Facebook/Twitter pages, I just asked people to read it, instead of just posting the link and an attempt at being witty...and this post got many more views than I've been typically been getting. Asking works people. :)

Forest and Trees

The only way you are going to be able to see the forest, instead of just trees is to get above it. If you limit yourself to only seeing that which is close, obvious, safe, or usual, you won't be able to see the bigger picture. This picture is not limited to the casual viewing of timbers. It applies all over, in jobs, in relationships, and most of all in the eternal scheme of things.

You do need to be able to navigate the trees that are right in front of you, the obstacles in your path, the daily checklists, the tasks and assignments, arguments, holidays, etc.

Just remember to open your heart, and see the forest {i.e, God's plan for you}through your faith. Climb above and beyond just what is right in front of you. Maybe you feel like the path you're on could never, ever lead where you want, and where God has promised it does. Trust in the known God to show you the unknown {to you}way. Trust in Him to guide you safely, for He does have a path for you, and through the Atonement, the way is prepared, though like any good hike, it requires effort to get there.

"Oh  man, remember and perish not." Do not despair, do not cease trusting, do not give in, all of these stop your progress, leaving you surrounded only by trees, never seeing the forest.

Trust God. There is a whole forest, there is a whole plan already figured out and, it's beautiful.