Backpacking Through Life

This blog is going to be a little 'stream of consciousness' but I wanted to write it before I forgot :)

I just got back from an incredible hike to Dunanda Falls in Yellowstone National Park. It's amazing. However, during said adventure, I was close to miserable. I am not entirely sure why, but my knees decided that they no longer wanted to cooperate. So, I limped along - trying my hardest to be a good sport and not slow the group down too much.

I learned a lot on this trip. I want to now share what I 'remembered' on the way back.

We were in the middle of no-where. I was in incredible pain. The path was long and though not hard in terms of hiking per se, being hurt, made it hard.

In life, we cannot go back. We can't just stop either. We can take other paths and get lost, temporarily or permanently (this may have happened trying to get to the bridge shown below). We must keep moving forward.

In this mortal life, we are metaphorically in the middle of our backpacking trek. We have found the beautiful land and learned a lot along the way. Now, we must keep going now that we are here, to reach the Heaven, one step - one choice - at a time.

We need to let go of the things holding us back, and when our packs get to heavy for our knees we can turn them over to our Savior who can help us carry on and finish the course. We'll make it one step at a time. Keep the faith and keep moving forward.

Pride and Humility

Today’s post is on the different faces of pride and how humility shapes us to allow God to mold us into who we truly can become.

I fully believe that one of life’s greatest recurring themes is the need to learn how to balance anything and everything, finding the truth in what we’ve been given to deal with.

So today, in my church meetings, we discussed having a broken heart and a contrite spirit, which basically means humility. With this, the discussion of pride came up. I wanted to give my take on what pride truly is.
There are different types of pride in the balance of life. It is not thinking that you are better than everyone. Pride is the sin of humanity, so it can’t be simply that. If I were to try to simplify it, I would say it is holding your opinion, whatever it is, above God’s truth.

In my head, I see pride on more of a spectrum with humility balanced in the center.

What then are on the sides? On one side, is the traditional view of pride—the narcissistic self-loving, or just in general a preoccupation with one’s greatness. However, as I am seeing more and more in our day, is the side that feels worthless that feels despair, self-loathing, perhaps.

Humility, as we know, is not just talking/thinking badly of yourself. Going back to my definition, it is accepting truth of who you are, recognizing God’s “opinion” (truth), and moving forward.

So, say you are greatly afflicted with pride, of thinking that you are not capable, that you are not strong enough, that you are not whatever, and you have the hope to change anyway. Please remember this verse: Isaiah 28:10 For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of letting the Lord shape us. It takes great humility to fully change and become as He would have us be. I want to develop this thought more, so please send in any comments or feedback, and know that this post is going to be continued as I think about it.

We want to be a perfect statue, detailed and strong, of eternal strength and character.

Yet: We may only be here:

Let the Lord shape you here a little, there a little, and day by day you will find that you’re becoming as He is.
Remember, the potential is already inside you—it just requires a Master’s hand and your agency (since we are not simply rocks…).

Trials may hurt—it is hard to have who you think you are (the marble slab), chipped away. But remember, you are in the best care, watched over, and molded into perfection, to become even as He is. It just takes a little humility, patience, and trust.

Guilt: Your Responses

I recently asked for your responses to make a post on guilt. You guys were amazing! Here’s what you said:

I'm personally trying to define guilt before separating it into two kinds. To me Guilt is a gap between where you're 'at' versus where you should be and want to be. You can only have this gap if you're aware of where you should be and could have been there and wanted to be.

I think a little guilt helps to hold society together, but I think your focus on guilt probably makes life more miserable.

Sorrow and guilt are not the same things.  We can and will and should feel sorrow for things, even after we've repented and moved on.  But we shouldn't feel guilt after we repent. Like Enos said, "my guilt was swept away"

Guilt from the Spirit makes you want to be better and motivates you to work on it. Guilt from the devil makes you want to give up because you are hopeless and worthless. The hard part is holding on to that motivating guilt and not letting it become “unbalanced” and ever so slightly switch into devilish guilt.

God-given guilt points us in the direction of repentance and improving our lives so that we can have a positive influence outside of ourselves. Satan-driven guilt is self-centered and usually destructive. It could all be summarized by the "fruit" of the guilt—does it lead to good, positive results or destructive feelings?

I think guilt is a terrible motivator. Guilt very rarely entices me to act, it actually tends to impede my ability to act--and that, for me, is the ultimate test of whether the guilt I'm feeling is Godly or not. If I can say, "I feel TERRIBLE about this, and I really feel that I need to do x y or z to make it better"--then it's Godly. On the other hand, if I am just feeling guilty, and guilty, and guilty, and I don't know what to do about it, and I can't think of anything I CAN do about it, and it's impeding my ability to serve, then I know it's time simply to let go.

Personally I don't refer to good motivation as guilt, but it can be the same feeling. As simple as this sounds, I've seen the largest part of guilt problems I've run into, due to the concept of 'possibility'. For example, a father continually telling his son to practice football eight hours a day so he can be in the NFL, every person cannot reach every possible target and if you demand so much without them choosing the goal themselves, it's likely to fail. However, if you're talking to a child four or five years old... let them dream and reach forward to see what they like and are good at.  Someone trying to 'guilt' you into something will be distracting you from those (or adding so much to do, that you fail at the others). Choose your goals, prioritize, and achieve. Then choose more, and repeat.

A speaker I really like said: "There is only one variable that separates the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people [who feel a sense of debilitating shame]: they had the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can't practice compassion with other people if we can't treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection and --this was the hard part--as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were."

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Three things have worked for me when I am trying to let go of the negative. I find that shame likes to sneak its way in to every crack and crevice of my life, till I can't tell, exactly, WHAT it is that I'm even feeling guilty about. I'm never good enough, kind enough, doing enough. But I am learning to be kind to myself. Here are the three things:

- Learning to laugh at myself

-Waking up every morning and telling myself three things I like about myself

-Doing things I'm not good at. My current project is learning to ride the unicycle. I'm terrible at it. But it's fun.

When we repent, we are trying to change ourselves, and not change things that have already happened.  So if we get hung up on things that are in the past, that's bad.  For myself, I know I have to focus on doing what's right in each moment that I'm living in.  I've done enough things wrong that it would be easy to never forgive myself. Just do your best, don't worry about it.  We'll feel guilt and sorrow when we do wrong, but I don't think we should focus on the guilt, I think we should focus on doing our best, and if we do that the Lord will help us feel bad when we need to and the enemy won't have power over us. It is super important to have faith, hope, and charity, focused on Christ and His Atonement.  This knowledge works to become a force in us, a power and ability to overcome challenges. 

Guilt is a terrible, terrible motivator. It is a WONDERFUL -indicator- but a terrible motivator. What I mean by that--it's kind of like when you have a nauseous stomach. That lets you know that something is wrong. Guilt can be an indicator that you need to repent, or it might be an indicator that you need to start treating yourself differently. Which it is you'll have to diagnose yourself, but if you are feeling guilt it is DEFINITELY an indicator that something is wrong. But if you spend your life letting guilt (or avoiding guilt) be your MOTIVATOR you're going to be unhappy.

Life is about a process of change. Receiving the Holy Ghost also takes time and consistent effort, and with His help, we can let go of any guilt that is holding us back from progressing. We can become like God and we can find joy today.

Thanks for all your responses! I really enjoyed putting it together so I will be doing more posts like this in the future.

Explosions of Wisdom

I teach a ballroom class for some friends, it's very casual and fun, just for my peers. So, I was talking to some of them yesterday when I made a sarcastic comment about how I needed to go impart my "infinite wisdom" to some "students" or else I would explode with all the wisdom.

Like this, only not a "Time Lord" from Dr. Who with time energy flowing from my fingers, but pure wisdom in its place.

They mentioned how cool, though tragic, it would be, if I were to explode and then infinite wisdom would flow.

The thing is, we do have a source of infinite wisdom, of infinite love, and infinite power to help us overcome all things.

All we have to do is to ask for help and have the faith to move forward. We keep asking and adjusting and we keep moving forward. Things will always try and hold us back, but we can move forward through the Savior.

And if you're wondering, the guilt post is coming along, but I need more responses! :)

Guilty as Charged?

After my last post on lies, I got a lot of feedback/responses, I decided I wanted my blog to be more interactive.

For those of you who know me, you know I am often motivated by guilt. I know there are different types of guilt worth exploring, so what do you guys think about it?

Briefly, though there is more to come, the way I see it is that there are two basic types of guilt: Guilt brought on by the devil that you need to learn how to let go, and the guilt brought about by the Spirit guiding you to change, to remember, and to become better.

How do you know which is which? And how have you found the ability to let go of the negative and learn from the positive?

Please email me at my "professional" email:

and in the next couple of days, I'll combine your responses and my ideas, so we can all learn together.

Lies: A Reaction

I received this as a reply to my post, and felt it should be shared. It captures a lot of aspects that I was hoping to get to, but didn't in my last post. And, the added perspective of another person always adds value, depth, and meaning, so I wanted to share it here.


You said: "Lately I've been thinking a lot about why lying is a big deal. I know we talk about it a lot, but I haven't really thought about it that much until recently."

If you are lied to, and you know it... the pain and loss are focused on the destruction of trust, and the loss of connection with that person. Forgiving that person is really hard. For me, the first key in forgiving someone at all... is that I must want too (which is sometimes a difficult issue for me). I find that it is easier to start when on my knees, praying (it's just not possible to tell God it's too hard for you or you don't want to, when he's there, knowing your mistakes). However at some point you have to talk with the person or your attempt will only appease your pain a little. But one of the second or third keys I think about, when I feel someone has lied to me is grasping onto the idea that they didn't want to hurt me, or they wanted to impress me, they wanted to seem better than they are. I look at those and try to determine what their intent was, and try to determine what they were thinking. Then there's the idea that lying hurts the person doing it the most. But somewhere along the way is the concept of me labeling them a 'liar' and my mind doesn't let me apply that label as easily as my emotion.

So many times two or more people just don't see the same 'truth' when they stare at the same thing. I try to define 'lying' as deliberate miscommunication attempting for personal gain. If you haven't felt lied to, and later found out it was miscommunication... I'd be surprised. When you care about a person and feel betrayed or wronged the issue is often fueled by miscommunication and you want to lash out. I think the fear of being hurt makes people quickly grasp onto negative assumptions as kind of a self-preservation thing. If instead they tried to fix the problem, they'd both be better off. But back to the subject... Lying is worse, than miscommunication... and both seem to be promoted in the world we live in now.

The next couple of lines were a little confusing to me: hypocrisy and disappointment are very different concepts and not always connected to lying. You said:
"So, hypocrisy, the unintentional hurt, and disappointment from people not living up to the idea we have of them is hard to deal with. Yet, this is easier to forgive because "they didn't mean to."  and "Hypocrites usually don't mean to be hypocritical...."
Is the person that lied to you, telling you not to lie? The reason this is distinguishable from lying is that in this case telling you not to lie would be a good thing, or if they said lying is bad... that would be the truth.  To be a hypocrite, a person has to tell you 'doing X is bad!' (and then do it themselves); the concept of being disappointed, is quite different. There's also the concept of a person telling others to be good, and being human makes a mistake -- are they a hypocrite?
{note from Cristina: I'm actually impressed only one line was confusing. That section is not complete. I've been trying to cut down the length of my posts, and can't seem to find a good balance to explain everything - concisely}

I like your next line -- I wish I had the strength to follow it in some cases: "... we need to get to a point where we don't take offense; even if it is intentional."

And also the paragraph about God is really strong too. I've mentioned this to you before, but you don't, and can't always know the truth. Each person chooses what they perceive as right, often based on who they trust when they can't know the actual truth. Imagine the dilemma you'd have if two loved ones, both of whom you trust... tell you to vote for different people in one election and you haven't had time to find out for yourself. Do you pick one, and call the other one a liar? and never trust them again? (of course not) So what would make you do that?

Boy I latched onto the next line really fast :(
"Unfortunately, we live in a world where all people struggle, all people are going to disappoint us, try to cover up the hard truths with white lies, or are just scared of losing us, so they tell us what they think we want to hear, or what is easier for them to admit to. Come on, we've all been there."
There's a lot of pain in those words... and I don't like thinking of you in that much pain. And it's certainly worse when I make myself the culprit. {Another note: There isn't a set culprit, I tried to write it just from what I've noticed, and ya I used my life as a foundation, but I tried to put it in terms of truth, so everyone, please don't get all worried that I'm offended or hurt by you. If I was, you would know. I'm usually pretty vocal in that area...or at least very clear in my actions...}


"So, why is it so hard on the other side? " Because you care, or have cared... and attached part of who you are to this connection and it was ripped apart by the lie because you can't trust them like you want too.

And I'll end by saying if you want to fix a problem between you and this liar, hypocrite, villain you're going to need to tell them how you feel. They have to listen with all their heart and not retaliate, they must respond with honesty with the goal of fixing the rift between you, and you have to listen to them. It takes effort on both people's parts and it's hard because of the pain and lack of trust. If one of you chooses not to, no amount of effort on the other side will compensate.

Lies: Nothing but the Truth

Lately I've been thinking a lot about why lying is a big deal. I know we talk about it a lot, but I haven't really thought about it that much until recently.

This post will hopefully help us understand about lying, and find the compassion we need to forgive. We've all made mistakes and need to learn to let things go, but it takes a long time to get over the hurt. It also ties into hypocrisy, and intention. 

So, hypocrisy, the unintentional hurt, and disappointment from people not living up to the idea we have of them is hard to deal with. Yet, this is easier to forgive because "they didn't mean to." 

Hypocrites usually don't mean to be hypocritical. 

They've just justified their behavior to themselves, and don't feel like that label applies to them. 

What I'm trying to say, is that we need to get to a point where we don't take offense; even if it is intentional. Should it matter if it is a long series of intentional "offenses"? I submit that though it is much harder, it isn't something we should have to hold on to. Yes, this makes me a hypocrite because I've taken offense at someone when it was intentional, and of course when it was unintentional. I'm still a work in progress. It doesn't make the truth is any less true.

God doesn't lie. We are able to trust Him, something that is so vital to our progression, because we know He doesn't lie.Therefore, if I understand why lying is so awful and hurts so much, and change my perception and behavior, then I can be more like Him, I can be a better person, and I don't have to hurt those around me, and theoretically can forgive those who hurt me.

It's a tall order.

And I'm short {haha....but really}.We all fall short, when we're working alone.

Unfortunately, we live in a world where all people struggle, all people are going to disappoint us, try to cover up the hard truths with white lies, or are just scared of losing us, so they tell us what they think we want to hear, or what is easier for them to admit to. Come on, we've all been there.

So, why is it so hard on the other side? When you're the one that sees someone struggle, when you are the person your friend doesn't want to disappoint, is scared of losing, and can't admit their shortcomings to, it really hurts. Look - I have felt the hurt, and I don't have a perfect answer that allows you to heal yourself.

"You have your agency, and inspiration [or healing/progression] does not--perhaps cannot--flow unless you ask for it....No message in scripture is repeated more often than the invitation, even the command, to pray--to ask." President Boyd K. Packer

Lying hurts, it hurts those lied to and it hurts those who lie. Hypocrisy isn't going to go away over night but it is something we can work on, and we can learn to forgive even those closest to us, who we see repeatedly fall short. We can't do it alone. Yet, we can get through this challenge, like any other challenge set before us.